#Online•jdb

56• Restart

16 November 2017

• J U S T I N •

I stared at the ceiling, waiting for time to pass faster. It didn't. Dylan was still asleep and, considering how quiet the house was, I'm guessing so was everyone else. It's been a few days since getting here and it still felt really... fresh. Like Char and I didn't have a history yet somehow had past mistakes impacting our current situation. It felt like such a relief to be around her again. It is an unusual feeling though every night going to bed in separate rooms. With Dylan as a roommate. Never thought that would happen.

But anyway, I've struggled to sleep these past few nights. I wish I could fall asleep with Char like we used to. Even though we've talked through the stuff with Lola and some of our feelings about our situation, I'm not sure where we stand. I don't know if we're even friends. I know we're far from dating status, and that's okay. Sort of. I'm not even sure if dating would be a good idea right now. We have a lot of emotional mending to do before a relationship like that would be able to work, I think.

I still miss it though. I miss those moments with her. Yesterday I noticed she doesn't wear her ring anymore. That hurt. I can't really blame her. And as weird as it is, I wore mine throughout my mistaken relationship with Lola.

I didn't know what Char thought about "us". We have basically just been hanging out really casually. And I still have so many questions for her. I know I shouldn't ask her some of them though, like whether or not anything is happening with all these guys she's rumored to be 'dating.' I know I don't have any right to be, but her giving other guys attention - of any kind - right now when all I want is to be hers, really makes me jealous. I can't ask her any of this though because I don't want her to think I believe any rumors about her since I know she's hurting over all the aggravated hate and... death threats.

It frustrates me that I wasn't there for her when she was so vulnerable, when death threats plagued every one of her posts and even just any other posts that she's in. I hate that she's going through that.

"You're awake?"

I turned my head and looked at Dylan. He sat up and ruffled his bed hair.

"Yeah."

"No offense but you look like crap. Did you not sleep again?" He asked.

"Not much."

He swung his legs out from his duvet and sat on the edge of it facing my bed.

"Are you thinking about Char?"

I slowly turned my head and looked at him.

"Am I really that obvious?"

"Justin, we spent months hating each other because we loved the same girl. It's not hard to tell that she's the reason you're having insomnia," he smiled weakly. He didn't mean it in an offensive way though.

As much as I wish Char was close to me and not him, I couldn't deny that he had changed. I might have to stop calling him Dick.

"I just... miss what we used to have. I know you don't really care or like me but... yeah."

"I have nothing against you, Biebs. I just want Charlotte to be happy. You do make crap decisions sometimes but so does everyone else. I can tell you this though, she missed you like crazy. She never admitted it, though, until about four days ago. But... it broke her apart. Not really nice to see," he said.

Somehow hearing this from Dylan made it hurt more. I can't believe how much Char was hurting and then I made it a hundred times worse by telling her about my bedroom antics.