How To Be A Hoe

27 | Like Warm Water

Jimin was beyond pissed.

He could only see red, but he knew he couldn't do anything about it. Yet.

It was past midnight, and you were still sleeping like a baby next to him. Jimin himself hadn't been able to snatch even a wink of sleep, being too disturbed over the events of a few hours ago to even think of rest, which was weird, because the one who had actually been in a fix was on a happy trip to dreamland.

Well, maybe. He had no way of knowing if you were having a nightmare, because you were a very passive sleeper, no kicking around or anything.

"Come on," he muttered to himself, eyes still fixated on your face. "Snap out of it," he whispered to himself as he realized he was still staring at the way your lips were still slightly parted.

You stirred. Eyes widening slightly, he watched you, frozen until he realised you were still asleep.

For a whole three minutes, he did not move. If you woke up now to find him still on the couch next to you, it would be a nasty shock, even if you didn't know that he hadn't moved an inch since you had gone to sleep. He didn't want to seem like an overprotective roommate again, remembering how badly you had reacted when he had yelled at you for showing up late.

He also didn't want to seem like a creep, watching you in your sleep, especially when you were taken—despite that, he still hadn't managed to remove himself and go back to his own room like a sensible adult (which he was not. Sensible, I mean, because he was definitely an adult).

"Jimin?" Your voice was groggy and slightly hoarse when you finally spoke, and he flinched at the suddenness of it.

"Yeah?" He turned around slowly, plastering a nervous smile on his face. "You need something?"

You stared at him, still in a sleeping position, eyes a bit red. "Were you—"

"You were drooling," he cut in hastily before you could call him out for staring, then hesitated, mouth hanging open for longer than what was necessary. "Uh, yeah. You were."

Scowling, you straightened, wincing when your back made a creaking sound. "Ouch. Shouldn't have slept on the couch."

"Yeah." Jimin nodded, brushing his newly-redyed silver bangs away from his forehead. "You have two classes today, better get the rest of your sleep."

"No, I don't think I will," you mumbled, pulling up your legs and folding them, toes curling at the newfound warmth. "I won't be able to go back to sleep now. Might as well get some work done."

The boy's eyes softened as he looked at you, looking vulnerable and exhausted. The light was dim, but he could still make out the dark circles underneath your eyes from the lack of rest, and wondered how much you were overexerting yourself. "You're working too hard."

"Quite the opposite, actually."

He rolled his eyes. "Come here."

As if they had been waiting for the signal, your arms went around him immediately, pulling him under the blanket and burying your face into his chest. Jimin clenched his teeth and wrapped his arms around you, bracing himself for the attack of the emotions.

You closed your eyes, inhaling his scent again. He still smelled the same as he did weeks ago, when you would carefreely join him in the middle of the night to cuddle.

And his kisses.

You let out a breath, remembering every little moment when he would kiss you without warning, but pushed the thought of them out of your mind. No distractions.

You didn't know how these things worked, and you didn't want to feel played—you didn't want to feel naïve, or trusting, or stupid. It frustrated you, not being the expert for once. Friendly hug. This is a friendly, comforting roommate hug and you don't like him.

"What happened?" he asked as quietly as possible, like he was talking to a scared pup.

"I panicked." You felt shame flush through you. "I know it wasn't his fault, and I should've said something, but I just...I forgot."

"It's okay. It's normal to panic in front of people you are...attracted to." He bit his lip, pressing back his shoulders.

You didn't respond. Not just the situation—everything was weighing you down—homesickness, pressure, loneliness, inexperience, being pushed down. And you knew you were making it worse by ignoring it, but you couldn't help it.

Jimin noticed your sudden sullenness, and sighed. "Look, it wasn't your fault. Taehyung didn't mean to hurt you, but he still should have asked you for permission before he tried something different. It doesn't make him the one completely at fault, but you should try communicating with him instead of blaming yourself."

"What are you now, a relationship expert?" you remarked, meaning your words to be humorous, but they came out bitter. "How do you know what it's like?"

"Honestly speaking, I don't." He admitted. "But I know some things. Some of them are obvious, some of them are more of my opinion...but seeing people around you fall in and out of love all the time lets you see some things that you don't need to be in a relationship to see. Sometimes, things are clearer to the ones who have never dated at all."

Surprised, you pulled back to look at him with raised eyebrows. "You've never dated?"

The shock coloring your sudden outburst was genuine, because from the way Jimin tended to talk about relationships had made you think he was very experienced. Just not when it came to Taehyung, but apparently he was hiding much more than you realized.

"Not really." He shrugged. "It's always flings. And maybe some repeated partners here and there. But no, I've never properly dated anyone. I'm just that smart," he finished, flashing you a brief smile as he did.

You found the corners of your lips pulling involuntarily into an answering smile, and smothered it quickly. No, you don't like him, you're just used to being sexually attracted to him. That's not romantic. "This is the part where I'm supposed to ask you what you think love feels like."

Jimin laughed, his arms loosening around you as the atmosphere lost some of its tension. "Since you asked so nicely, I'll tell you. I think it's like a bathtub which doesn't stop filling."

"What?"

"You're sitting in a bathtub, and it's filling with warm water," he continued, ignoring your teasing laugh. "And it's, like, a huge bathtub, with the sides way above your head. And you're not chained to it or anything, but as the water keeps filling it, you love the feeling so much that you don't want to get up. So it can be bad for you, depending how careful you are, but the feeling is really nice. Like warm water."

At that, you tilted your head to show actual interest, sleepiness all but forgotten. "So?"

"So..." He shrugged a single shoulder. "If it's the good kind of love, you can get up. And you can come back to it later instead of staying in the bath the entire time, because as great as love is, it's only healthy when you don't let it take over your life. Love is just a part of life—at least, that's what I think. It's not the point of life."

You nodded, getting it but not getting it at the same time. "And if you don't get up?"

"Isn't that obvious?" he asked rhetorically, eyes somewhat unfocused. "You drown."

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