Kindergarten Bully [Oikawa Tooru] | ✔

Deleted Chapters: Welcome to Australia!

Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.

— Jim Carrey

xXx

"Repeat after me," Naoko coached, "My name is Takeru and I am nine."

Oikawa's nephew, who had been dropped off at Oikawa's apartment by Hotaru, scrunched up his nose before attempting to repeat the sentence in English. "Mai... nam... is... Takeru... an... I am... none." The only word he said properly was his own name, making Naoko smile fondly.

"Close enough," she praised, knowing how hard it must be for a child who had ever only spoken Japanese to enunciate those difficult English words.

Oikawa entered the living room, a bag of unopened chips in his hand as he plopped next to his girlfriend on the couch. "You're a terrible teacher, Mako-chan."

"Thank you, Tooru, for your minimal contribution to my day," Naoko said dryly.

"Your welcome, dear." He winked and stuck out his tongue at her. "I don't see the point of trying to teach this brat," he jabbed his thumb at Takeru, who puffed out his cheeks indignantly, "English, though." Oikawa yawned. "He's too stupid."

"Hey!" Takeru yelled.

Naoko raised an eyebrow. "I can see who he takes after then."

"First of all, rude. Second of all, rude."

"I can do it!" Takeru insisted. "Mai namish Takeru an Iam nynah!"

"Sorry, what, I don't speak stupid," Oikawa said loudly, leaning across Naoko to be closer to Takeru.

"I thought it was the only language you knew," Takeru shot back, glaring.

"Pot, meet kettle," Naoko said tonelessly.

"Your insults are as old fashioned as you are, grandma."

"What was that, Tooru? I couldn't hear you over that yapping dog. Oh, wait..." Naoko shot him a sly grin as he pouted at her before tossing one arm around her shoulder.

"You're lucky I love you," he told her. "Or else I'd let you get mauled by a drop bear when we get to Australia."

"Get a room," Takeru complained. "And what's a drop bear?"

"That's what I want to know," Naoko added, raising an eyebrow. "I thought the only type of bear they had over there was the koala..."

When Oikawa finished his long-winded explanation about the supposed existence of drop bears, Naoko had only one thing to say.

"That is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard of. Koalas that drop out of trees to eat you...?"

"Actually, drop bears are not koalas, they're its distant cousin," Oikawa corrected her matter-of-factly. "I'll give you a tip. Smear Vegemite on your armpits and you'll scare them off."

"I... I don't know what to say. I really don't know what to say."

Oikawa flashed her a smirk. "'I love you, Tooru, and you're amazing' will do just fine."

"I'll pass."

Takeru cleared his throat. "I don't mean to interrupt the love fest, but can we watch a different movie? I've watched Lilo and Stitch thousands of times!"

"Nope!" Oikawa denied his request cheerfully.

Naoko gave Oikawa a sidelong glance. "You only chose it because it has aliens, didn't you?"

"Ah, Mako-chan." He held her even closer and meshed his cheek against her, though Naoko's face remained in her neutral deadpan expression. "You know me so well."