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April One week Later
I haven't seen the outside of my house since the day I left the hospital. Depression was hitting me hard, not to the point where I wanted to take my own life though.
Just when I was making so much progress to become a better me, life throws a curve ball. I'm just really trying to figure out why things can never go good for me.
When I'm praying to god does he even hear me?
All I want is to be happy! Everything in my life is going great. I'm doing my dream job, money is flowing, I got my dream house and car. But the only way I'm going to be happy is if I have Keith. I've tried calling, it goes straight to voicemail, I tried texting, it doesn't even go through. I'm blocked on all his social media.
I just wanted to explain everything to him before we got to this point but it's too late. Am I supposed to just move on now? I tried before that it didn't work.
This man has my heart and I just want to be with him. Nobody will ever make me feel the way he does. Nobody will keep me smiling. I miss getting nervous whenever he came around like we just met. Or getting butterflies whenever told me that he loves me or when he kisses me. The way he makes my body feel every time he makes love to me.
I just want Keith.
The morning we talked marriage, that's the only thing that I could think about for the rest of the day.
Mrs April Powers.
That shit sounds good.
As I look back I try to think how did this go so wrong. Number one was the lies. Two, I kept comparing him to somebody that I was supposed to leave in my past. If I would've only focused on the man that I'm in love with, that other guy would've never been a problem.
I hate to even say his name now.
But why be mad at him? I kept him around, I'm the one that lied. I'm the one that should've listened to my brain when it told me to walk away when he approached me at my shop. I was stupid for thinking he could change. He doesn't know the meaning. When he called me a bitch the day everything happened, I saw that everything he was doing was just a scheme. He wasn't trying to be a better person.
Everybody was right, he knew exactly what he had to do to pull me in and I fell for it. Why do I have to be such an idiot?!
Keeeeeiiiiiith! That's all I fucking want. He's all I need! I wanted to carry his kids, maybe even move away from Atlanta. Expand our businesses together. Have barbershops and hair salons all over America. We could've been amazing. I fucked that up though.
Does he even miss me? Is he thinking about me? Or is he just too busy hating me? Will he ever forgive me?
So many questions ran through my mind. I just want to hold and kiss him. I wanted to be the one by his side until he got better and after.
