unspoken - phan

beautiful.

-Phil-
I knocked at the door and seconds later Dan opened. "Hey" I greeted him, but he just smiled slightly and gestured me to come in. As soon as I stopped looking at him, his smile fell lifeless. A slightly downward tending curve, not revealing any of his feelings.

I was worried about him.

I stepped inside and looked around. The house was furnished in a modern way and very bright, unlike Dan. Our apartment wasn't that big or covered in wide windows, but we had plenty of plants, which weren't that common in Dans house. On the white walls hung some pictures of a little boy. Most of them must've been his brother or something, because it looked just like a baby version of him with bright blue eyes.

I stopped when Dan held up the blue notebook that I gave him and I tried to decode the words written in his messy handwriting.

'Hungry?'

I nodded and was kind of relieved that he asked. He headed to the kitchen and opened the fridge and some drawers. He pointed at a stool and I sat down. My fingers glided softly above the marble surface of the kitchen counter. His parents must've been really successful, my mum was just an average person, working in a supermarket.

'What do you want?'

I shrugged. "I don't know, whatever you like."
He sighed, opened the refrigerator and held up a frozen pizza.
"Sure" I said and he shoved it into the oven.
"Where are your parents?" I asked.
He leaned agains the kitchen counters and mouthed "work". That was quite obvious.

I eyed him. He wore a black hoodie and same colored sweatpants. His hair was quite messy and curly, but I liked it better that way. He looked down at the iPhone in his hands, hopefully not noticing my stare.

I thought Dan was a properly beautiful person.

I wasn't ashamed of thinking it, maybe a bit.
I was kind of okay with my sexuality, even though I didn't came out to anyone and was unsure if I was gay or bi. I just wouldn't lie about it.

Dan was simply attractive and I noticed it the first day he came to school. It was cool to see someone with the same 2012 emo fringe.
I think for some people it's weird that he couldn't talk, but when he told me I wasn't turned off at all, it made him just more interesting.
It's a good thing to be strange.

I was called weird for a long time because I spoke to myself. It hurt me, I couldn't understand why they bullied me for something that was normal for me.
Fortunately I got my habits under control and found some friends. They weren't the best to imagine, but at least I didn't sit alone at school.

I have to admit that I was scared that people would bully Dan for being mute, he couldn't do anything against it. He probably had it hard enough with being mute by himself, he shouldn't have to experience it as I did.

A clapping noise pulled me out of my thoughts and I looked up from the marble surface. I must've been really abstracted. "Hugh?" Considering my probably confused expression, Dan held back a little smile, which brought me back to my first topic.

Dan Howell was properly beautiful.