unspoken - phan

bubble wrap.

The air was filled with music and the taste of alcohol.
My heart immediately began to pound heavily and I could feel my anxiety getting worse. It was loud, way too loud and I needed alcohol. I couldn't even remember why I thought it was a good idea to come in first place.
I was overwhelmed.
"Are you alright Dan?",Pj asked, who was standing right next to me. I nodded unsurely. It was just music and people talking. It wasn't yelling or making fun of me. I should be ok, I was ok.
"Well, well Dannyboi, what about a little house tour?",Chris laid his arm around my shoulders, but I flinched. I couldn't stand touches at the moment.

We walked through a mass of people drinking, dancing and laughing. "So on this side we have some drug addicts",Chris said and pointed his finger at a small group of people, sitting on a couch smoking. "And on the other side are some 14 year old girls, uninvited and absolutely drunk." "That's where you belong right?",Pj chimed into our conversation. I stepped aside and let those two discuss Chris' age. "Overwhelmed?",Phil asked. I held up my hand and gestured "a little". "We usually just come to those parties because we're bored and it's actually a lot of fun." I spotted the plastic cup in his hand, alcohol. I walked towards a table with different bottles and was about to grab a bottle of vodka, when Chris shoved a beer into my hands. "You should start low, otherwise you'll be drunk immediately." If he knew. I took a sip and shook my head. I would need at least twenty bottles of those to be maximally slightly drunk. I had a really high alcohol tolerance. I was used to liters of it per day.

Two bottles of beer and three cups of vodka later, I wasn't really drunk. Everything was just slightly blurry, but that was it.
Pj, who didn't drink a bit, thought it would be a good idea to go outside, considering Chris who could barely walk and Phil who kept giggling and singing.
So we sat on the wet grass, breathing in the clear air and everything I wanted to do was sleep. "How can you still be sober?",Pj asked. "You switched to vodka an hour ago." I just shrugged. "Look at Chris, he literally had the same amount",he pointed at Chris, who's head rested on Pjs lap. At this point I wasn't even sure if they were just friends. They were really close, but to be fair Phil and I were as well, even if we just met weeks ago. Maybe that's how friendships work, I had no idea.

I looked over at Phil, talking and laughing with a group of girls. I grabbed my notebook and wrote:
'Does phil know these people?'
I showed it to Pj, who stared a solid minute at the page. "Ok your handwriting got a lot worse, but I think I could read it. No he doesn't, he's just a lot more confident when he's drunk."
I wished that I could be like him. I didn't change a bit when I was drunk and he just got a better person than he was anyways. I wasn't lovable.
I stared at the liquid inside the plastic cup and drank it all in one gulp. Why was everyones life so bright and full of love and friends? Why was mine pitch black?
My heart skipped a beat, when someone wrapped two arms around my chest. "Hey Daniel." I calmed when I recognized Phils voice, even if it was pretty hard to understand what he said. "What are you doing?",he asked, still not letting go of me. "Sitting",Pj answered for me. With a quick move Chris was sitting upright. "Are you alright?",Pj asked him, but Chris, looking paler than me, just shook his head. "I think I'll try to reach the toilet with him",Pj said, trying walk with Chris.

"I love your hair",Phil giggled and ruffled my hair, now sitting next to me. "Thanks",I mouthed, but I knew he only said it because he was drunk. "Dan?",he asked with his bubbly voice. I nodded. "Do you want to dance?" He giggled. "Just kidding." The corners of my mouth
went upwards. "I'm so sleepy." With a thud, he fell into the wet grass. I looked down at him. His ivory skin was rosy tinted. I had the urge to touch his blush flashed cheeks, just to see if they were as warm as I imagined them to be.
I laid down as well, feeling the rock hard ground under my back. I stared at his closed eyes, wondering what he thought about. Not death, not pain, not starvation. I didn't know what was going on in his mind, but I wished I did. He already knew a few things about me nobody did and I could barely imagine his life. Maybe it wasn't as colorful as it seemed to be.
"Do you know what I think about when I look at you?" I abruptly stopped staring at him and raised an eyebrow. A fat cow?
"Bubble wrap."
Bubble wrap?
"Because I want to wrap it around you so you can't break."