unspoken - phan

almost.

"Dan."
I blinked twice.
"Dan!"
A little shake on my shoulder made me sat up immediately. I rubbed my tired eyes and stared in confusion at the unrecognizable figure next to me. It was still too dark to catch sight of anything.
"We have school today." He said and I finally remembered what had happened yesterday.

Phil had soothed me, after I had sort of a panic attack because of the overwhelming situation and we somehow fell asleep.

I switched on the lamp on my nightstand and the room lit up. I looked at Phil, who still wore his whole outfit from yesterday.
Didn't his parents questioned where he were?
"Uh, Dan it's wednesday and we have to go to school today."
I sighed and rubbed my eyes a second time. I felt like shit. I felt exhausted, tired and I was absolutely starving.
My stomach hurt. It itched.
For a second I closed my eyes and then I stood up. I felt dizzy, but I tried to ignore it.

„Are you alright?" Phil asked and I just nodded. "Could I burrow some clothes from you for today?"
I walked towards my closet in response and grabbed some stuff for him to wear. "Thanks", he said and I pointed at the bathroom door.

While Phil was changing into my clothes in the bathroom next door, I did the same in my room. Before I put on my hoodie, I stared at my arm. Covered in red patches from burning myself, I felt ugly. I mean, I always did, but this made it even worse. I wrapped my fingers around my wrist and wandered upwards. As usual, my fingers stopped touching at my elbow. I tried to wrap them around my upper arm, but there was still too much fat in between.

I sighed defeated and put on the grey hoodie. In the same moment Phil opened the door, but my fat body was already covered in baggy clothes.
He fitted my clothes perfectly. He looked amazing im them.
Why did I look so fat in them instead?
I looked at the ground and walked past him into the bathroom, where I got ready.

"Where are your parents?" He asked.
"Work" I mouthed and he raised an eyebrow.
"I'm sorry about that."
I shrugged and smiled at him to hide my feelings and thoughts about my parents.
"You know, if they fight again, you can always call me - uh no, I mean you can text me and come over to my house."
"Thanks" I mouthed, I appreciate that wasn't possible to understand.
As we walked downstairs, the feeling of dizziness came over me. I tried to grab the rail, but everything was covered in black spots, which quickly merged into a hole I fell inside.

When I opened my eyes again, pain rushed through my body. I immediately held my head, which probably hit something. „Dan! Are you okay? Oh my god!" I heard loud footsteps running downstairs to where I laid.
At least I didn't fully pass out.
I nodded, even though I felt like shit.
„Y-you just fell, god luckily you were almost downstairs. Did you pass out?"
I nodded again, I didn't think lying could be useful here.
Phil somehow managed to get me to the sofa and I immediately had to lay down, because I still felt dizzy and like I was going to throw up.

Phil kneeled down in front of me, softly stroking my hair. It was really weird that he did that, but it made me somehow feel a little better.
"Should I call the ambulance?"
I opened my eyes and looked at him.
"You're as pale as snow, even your lips lost their color."
I mouthed a "no", but Phil looked desperate. "Dan." He said quietly.
His fingers ran through my hair again.
"Dan you're so skinny it slowly kills you."
I sat up, feeling a sore pain in my head, but ignoring it.
What did he just say?
"What?" I mouthed.
"You're ill Dan."
I shook my head and stood up. "What are you doing?" Phil asked but I walked past him into the kitchen, but he came after me.
I grabbed an apple and took a bite.
Phil looked at me in confusion.
So I took another bite.
"Then tell me why you're so skinny! I can feel your bones, even under your baggy hoodies"

"Please tell me what's going on Dan. Please tell me the truth."

He looked so worried.
He almost made me cry.
He almost teared me apart.
He almost made me telling him the truth.
But I didn't.
I stopped the tears building up in my eyes and mouthed "I'm okay".
And felt his heart sink.