Be Your Everything

Chapter Twenty: Just Not A Good Day

 

ChapterTwenty:




Just Not A Good Day

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My grip on Cameron's hand grew limp and felt as if I was spinning in circles. Calm down, I tried to tell myself as Cameron continued to talk, but his voice was muffled by the ringing in my ears.

It's not like he just told you Matt's dead, And I shook my head when that came across my mind. It's practically the same thing! How could he keep something like this away from me? Even if it was just one night that he didn't tell me, how could he?

Finally getting a grip on myself, I stood up abruptly and dropped my ice cream to the ground. I no longer cared for ice cream at this point. I grew even angrier by the second because I left the house this morning. I didn't tell Matt I loved him, I had no idea. Why didn't my mother tell me? She knows I worry about that stuff! 

When I looked back down at Cameron's face, the anger faded a tad bit. I've always been level headed about everything. But for some reason, I couldn't get anything besides screaming at the top of my lungs out of my head.

"Why didn't you tell me?" I raised my voice. It had so much venom in it that I was even a little scared. This was so unlike me to lose my cool. I guess when it came to my baby brother, nothing mattered.
Cameron stood to his feet and rushed over to my side. He tried to hug me or comfort me in anyway possible, I could see how hard he was trying to make it right, but I wouldn't let him. One thing mattered right now; I needed to get to Matt.

I may be overreacting a little. Am I, though? I get that he was trying to protect me from being so brokenhearted. I think it hurt more finding out like this than seeing it myself like the first time.

"Matt," I whispered more to myself. I wasn't even crying. How could I not be crying? I learned a few years back not to cry. I can't show how weak I really am.

I stiffened my back and looked at Cameron sternly. His face was the definition of sad.

"I have to go," I mumbled and pushed passed him. My house was only three or four miles from here and I was for sure I could run that distance. I took off down the road and almost ran out in front of a car. I scolded myself the minute I heard the horn blare. I needed to get a grip, run back to the house, and and later I'll yell at myself for being so careless and for acting like this.

Not long after I had been running, Cameron's truck pulled up beside me on the main road. I slowed to a walk because I was out f breath from already have been hyperventilating. Cameron rolled down his window and spoke quietly, "Let me take you home. You'll get there a lot faster." His tone sounded depressed and when I looked over at him, he was looking towards in front of him, at the road. I nodded my head.

Cameron drove me home in complete silence. With the radio going on, playing a few seconds of a song and then going back off for the next couple seconds of the same song, the atmosphere didn't get awkward.

My hand paused on the door handle once we got to my house. I looked over at Cameron to see if maybe he'd say anything. Yes, I was feeling a little guilty about reacting like I did. I bit down on my bottom lip nervously, not wanting the word sorry to come out of my mouth. Should I be acting this way?

Cameron kept his eyes on the road in front of him even though he wasn't driving.

Instead of saying anything, I hopped out of the truck with my stuff in hand and practically ran up to the house. They should be home by now if i know their schedules correctly. Mom got off at five everyday and it's six now. Dad works until seven so he wouldn't be home.