Rhythm of Heartbreak (COMPLETED)

Chapter 5

Jess went on with her life pretending that she was okay, she still works at Fred's diner and tried to keep herself occupied with a lot of things just to stay away from reminiscing the man who crushed her deeply. Fred never asked what happened to her, but his concern gaze told her that he might have an idea that she was going through tough times. Her heartbreak was grief that comes in waves, grueling, stealing appetite and sleep alike. It was a hard lump in her guts that never leaves, though perhaps in time the edges would dull but for now its sharpness was pricking her. It felt like death just the same as bereavement and in quiet moments it chokes the breath from her body and short circuits her mind. What was once whole was shattered; where once was peace was emptiness, echoes of a love that she put everything into. With each passing day she takes another step away from the pain it caused her, however with great strength to overcome the sting that continues to linger. She was already exhausted from feeling sorry for herself.

Jess's love turned poison, her mind cycles through emotions faster than a kid flipping radio channels. She gone from level to rocky - fighting a mixture of competing emotions, each of them vying for dominance. After the reboot of sleep, she was calm, the day stretching ahead with possibilities - time to get jobs done, connect with friends, enjoy nature. Yet this coping was a thin veil over trauma and even the smallest of setbacks changed her emotional landscape. By evening the sadness welled up, uncertainty rushing to the fore, and she knew it was time to sleep. How the crazy dreams stitch her head back together she has no clue, it's a new miracle every night. Days go by and the self-condemnation has slowly subsided but the anger kicks in. Burning rage hissed through her body like deathly poison, screeching a demanded release in the form of unwanted violence. It was like a volcano erupting; fury sweeping off her like ferocious waves. The wrath consumed like, engulfing her moralities and destroying the boundaries of loyalty. She ripped off anything that reminded her of Shaun, which was quite a lot. Every little piece of his existence in his apartment has been cast completely. If he never considered her as important in his life then Jess realized that there's no point hoping that he would come by and beg for forgiveness, his words were clear that he found her disgusting and boring.

A giggle broke as two teen girls blushed tremendously cutting Jess thought, she turned her head and looked at them. Their eyes were on the television screen in front as their smiles went crazy, they tried to contain their excitement but fail vividly. When Jess decided to look at what the commotion was about a melody played with good vibrato, the tremulous effect created an impressive warmth in the ears. Jess suddenly felt her blood boil and she gritted her teeth firmly. She watched the teens whose eyes sparkle upon seeing the image of Shaun on the screen. She felt sick.

"Did I look like that before every time I see Shaun?" she thought as reality dawned on her she probably did when she was still revolving her world in Shaun's orbit.

She immediately walked away from the scene and went out to get some air. Fred saw her and gave her a confused look. She didn't bother to respond, when she was outside, she filled her lungs with oxygen and released it slowly. She realized that this was no longer healthy for her. She can't go on hating everything that would rub her off Shaun. She steadied herself and crossed her arms. She needs to work on her anger. She needs to find some alternative to at least minimize the negative emotions that creep in her every day.

Just when she was about to scream Fred showed up and stood right beside her.

"Are you okay?" he asked, not really looking at her. He took a stick out from his pocket and puffed some cigarettes.

"You know that smoking can kill you, right?" Jess remembered, pointing directly at his vice.

Fred laughed like it was the funniest thing to say. "I know but I will have a few more years before the symptoms show up so let's leave that to the future me." He answered.