Reaching Insanity (Matt Smith fanfic)

Part 11

I didn't sleep much that night.

Hardly at all actually, I couldn't find it in me to sleep. When I did sleep, it was restless as though I was just awake in the pitch black, paralyzed. I woke up though earlier than usual, seven in the morning to be exact. I stumbled out of my room, exhausted and sleep deprived. My pajamas hanging off on of my shoulders loosely. Making my way to the kitchen I turned the coffee pot on and laid my head in my arms on the kitchen table, listening to the boiling water brew into coffee. The aroma soon filled the room, awaking my senses, but not me exactly. A short beeping filled the room and I turned around, unplugged the machine and began to pour myself a cup.

Then I poured a second cup without thinking.

In this past near week I've had the same routine each morning; wake up, brew coffee(two cups, one for me and one for Matt), and scramble eggs or whatever there was for breakfast, always making extra whenever Matt was home in the mornings.

Like this morning. I sighed and wrapped my hands around the quickly heating mug, sitting myself down at the kitchen table, my entire body feeling like lead. I take a long draw out sip of my coffee, and shudder as it send heat down my throat and into my stomach. Waking up my nerves ever so slightly. My eyes flutter close as the exhaustion seemed to way me down.

"Coffee?" I jump as Matt speaks, I clicked my eyes up to him but he just stared behind me at the coffee pot. The dark shadows under his eyes gave away that me and him were in the same boat this morning, I guess when they say don't go to bed angry... They mean it. Although, his eyes weren't the first thing I noticed about him this morning.

Upon striding into the kitchen, he was dressed in fleece pajama pants. They were navy blue and hung low on his hops, they strings dangling down the font, the elastic of his briefs sitting above the waist band of his pants. This being the most 'underdressed' I'd seen him since moving in here, and I must admit I couldn't help but take notice.

He was very thin, he had broad shoulders that narrowed to his hips, I realized I hadn't taken much note on his appearance(other than his face of course) since I had first met him. Anyways, he wasn't too thin, but just thin enough to showcase his muscles roped just beneath his skin. Not only was this the most underdressed I'd seen him before,

but it's the most underdressed I'd been around any man, nevertheless alone for that matter. If we weren't under the circumstances at the time I would have even thought he was... Well, sexy.

I looked back down at my cup as he walked passed me to get his own cup off the counter, he then walked back passed me and stood in front of the window. Placing a hand on his hip, his pelvis extended forward a bit; sipping from the coffee cup he gazed out at the empty street.

I ran my hand through my ratty morning hair, and sucked in my breath, preparing myself for the answer I'd tossed and turned over all night. I struggled to bring myself to break the silence, but eventually I spit it out. It came out sounded a bit strangled.

"Do I have to move?" I sucked back in my breath, awaiting the answer.

He swiveled around, glanced at me, raised an eyebrow and turned back to the window.

"I don't plan on sitting down anytime soon, plus there's more chairs around than that one." He spoke calmly, but slowly. Like he was walking over glass, thin ice.

"What? No, I mean... Leave," I tensed myself, awaiting his answer again. "Leave the house..."

"Why would you have to leave?" He questioned innocently, I squinted at the back of his head.

"I just... After.." I started.

"I don't see an issue with you continuing your stay here," he spoke, nearly a whisper. Silent, shy like a child. "I don't know why that is being brought into question." He turned away from the window and crossed the room, setting himself into the big leather sofa chair that I usually stay in when he's gone.

He's acting as if last night never happened, what is wrong with this man? I just kept squinting at him, mouth half open, my brain was shot. He glanced over at me and raised an eyebrow.

"What?" He sighed as if I had said something dis believable.

"I just... I don't know." I shrugged and pulled my knees to my chest, then continued to sip my coffee.

"Are you going to class?" He glanced out at me sideways. The causality of the conversation was almost eerie, his normalness. I would take any emotion over this... Silent conversation. So normal, given... Whatever happened here, what was said; In this same room. I just shake my head no, feeling more childish than ever, wanting to be alone yet I know once I was I would just become lonely.

"Are you going to work?" It took me a few times to get the words out, and after clearing my throat I finally did. It's still sore from last night, the hot coffee soothing it with every drink.

"Not today," we both sigh. "Just me and you today." I guess this is fate, I thought. After last night. No departure, just a day in the house, with the insane man. Yet I didn't feel as miserable about it as I would have before. No stress about, what am I gunna do? An awkward day, but it feels different. Part of me wants to run back to my room and pass out on my bed, and the slight other part wants Matt to just open his arms and let me crawl into him like a child. After last night, I feel like a child. Just like Matt said... Or assumed, or whatever the hell he did. He's so complicated.

I was so lost in the warmth of my coffee and my thoughts I didn't even catch him staring at me. I raised my eyebrows at him, he half smiled, not showing his teeth. And just shrugged at me, facing his gaze downward. In a tone barley louder than a whisper he said,

"I'm sorry..."

~~~

We both ending up going back to bed that morning, now that last night was technically clear up, we were both exhausted. I've never had such a crazy sleep pattern like the one I've fallen into while at Matt's. Again, I woke up around five in the evening, stumbling out of my room to find Matt sitting in the big brown chair again. He held the newspaper in his hands, his hair scattered messily about his head, he now wore sweats and a v-neck t-shirt.

"Have you been awake long?" I yawned, feeling more awake than I had in 24 hours. I plopped myself down on big couch, curling onto my side to face Matt. Aware that our 'hair situations' must look quite similar.

"Woke up a good ten minutes ago," he glanced up at me with a quick smile. "Last night," he began I clenched myself as to get ready for the impact of his next sentence, I was relieved when he continued harmlessly. "Did you see around town much?"

"It was the plan..." I looked away, not meeting his gaze. "But not really."

"What do you say," he closed the paper and set it on the ottoman, clasping his hands together, elbows on knees; he leaned forward. "We grab dinner in town, shop around a bit... Then check out the bay?"

I didn't quite know what he was trying to pull, but I just took it as his way to apologize or make up for up last night. So I accepted whatever it was.

"Sound great," I shot him a quick smile.

"Alright... Well we better get out before places begin to close." He sighs, smiles slightly and turns down the hall way, I hear his bedroom door click shut.