Faults [ft. Chresanto August]

Three.

I drove to the house I haven't seen in months, which is funny because it's right around the corner from where I live. Of course, there are many reasons why I haven't been to this specific house. So many memories brought me to my reasons.

This house highlighted the entire street in many ways, or maybe it just stood out to me. It seemed as if this house was the only house on the entire street, or once again, it could just be me.

I pulled up into the driveway and stopped the ignition, sighing and putting my head on the stirring wheel.

"Well, here goes nothing."

The anticipation was killing me and I knew that this was probably the best thing for me, I needed to do this and I'd probably feel 10 times better afterwards. It was true, I just didn't want to admit it.

The wind whistled through the atmosphere as I made my way up the worn down steps and to the ripped screen door. I remember how the tear got there, too. I laughed to myself as I reminisced about it.

Before I could even knock the door swung open, "Chanel?"

"Uh, hi mom."

She opened the door and stepped to the side, allowing me in the house. I grabbed a seat on the couch and scanned the room. Everything looks the same as it always has.

"So what's up Chanel? I haven't seen you in months. What made you stop by?"

I just shook my head and sighed. "Look I'm sorry, I just- I panicked and didn't know what to do. I needed some time to think and-" I sighed again, not even finishing my sentence.

"We could have talked about this, without you just up and leaving without word or warning. That was very immature of you Chanel." I could tell she was disappointed in me by the look on her face. "You're child doesn't even know her mother, neither he father."

"What was I supposed to do mom? I don't know how to raise no kid? I'm sorry, okay? I panicked and I just had to leave. I'm only 19 years old and I don't even have a stable job! You think I just wanted to drop her off on you?" I said growing angrier by the minute.

"I was 16 when I had you, we did just fine too."

"Just because you ain't struggle don't mean I wouldn't." It was true, I didn't know how to raise a child alone and I still don't.

I began thinking about how I got myself in this situation in the first place.

I was 18 years old, just graduating high school. This was a major accomplishment for me because most of the people I know don't even make it through freshman year, but my friends and I did. My friends referring to Christopher and Brianna.

Someone we graduated with was throwing a graduation party for our class, and of course we went. I think it was Ben that was throwing the party, it was because his parties were the livest of anyone we knew. Everyone would be there and that motivated us to want to go even more. Chris was a little on the off side about it, but he quickly changed his mind when he saw how much I wanted to go.

We got there and of course the party was as live as we said it would be. There were cars all the way down the street. Our class was big, but there we people that didn't even go to our school at this party. I mean seriously, this house was packed; so packed that there was barely any space to walk around.

There were drinks and drugs, none that I've never seen or heard of before. I had smoked weed in the 7th grade, so none of this was really knew to me. I grabbed a beer and began looking for Chris and Bri. I lost them the minute we stepped into the party.

Couple minutes later I was on my third 40 and I was rolling up with some random dude on the couch. I'm pretty sure I knew who he was at the time but I was neither sober or in my right mind to even think.

All I remember is waking up next to a few boys, and I was half dressed. Chris and Bri didn't remember anything that happened that night either. Nine months later, I gave birth to a baby girl.

Aubree Madison Ramirez.

I had no idea how to care for a child, so I left her with my mom and disappeared for 5 months to be exact. I'm that positive that one of the boys at that party got me pregnant, I'm just not sure who it was.

"Chanel, do you hear me girl?" My mom was waving her hand in my face and snapping.

I began sobbing quite intensely and she walked over to me and hugged me. "I'm sorry ma, I had you raising a child that was my responsibility and I- I'm just so sorry."

"It's okay mija, don't cry baby." My mom's spanish accent became very thick.

"Where is she?"

She got up and told me to come to the back; and there she was sleeping peacefully in her crib.

"She's gotten so big mom, and she's so beautiful."

"It's not too late to be in her life Nelly, she needs her real mother."