Until It's Gone

Chapter 1

Chapter 1

 

Mike’s POV

He lied awake in his bed and stared at the ceiling. He had his radio on the lowest volume possible. He was waiting for one of their songs to come on. That’s all he wanted. Beside him, a young man with blonde spiky hair was curled up next to him with his eyes shut and he was breathing evenly. Mike smiled slightly at Chester as he slept. He’d had a rough day. They’d been working on trying to get themselves set up for a tour as soon as they started getting songs played on the radio. But so far, they hadn’t heard a single one. He knew Chester had been heartbroken when it’d been over a month and they hadn’t heard a thing. That’s why he was asleep early today.

Mike had his hand stroking his hair softly trying to get him to feel more comfortable. He looked down at the man he’d come to fall in love with. Chester was wearing sweat pants that would always make him look about ten times bigger than he actually was. The pants came down past his feet and curled around, wrapping his feet inside. He had a thin t-shirt that hung off of his thin form. Mike loved the way Chester looked. He liked how different he was from others. He was so skinny and fragile. But Mike had promised him a long time ago that he’d protect him. He continued to take in the smaller man’s appearance. He had fallen asleep next to Mike while they were talking, so his glasses were still on. Mike had always loved the way that Chester’s glasses moved around. They always ended up crooked. He remembered how he’d used to draw Chester a lot. He would always draw his glasses crooked. The picture he had loved the most though, was burnt up in mourning the one night after Chester was stolen from him.

The years after were spent in a huge depression. He still wrote music and songs with the band. He still talked with them. But whenever he had been alone, he thought of Chester. He thought of the blonde boy who had shown him something that he never thought he would ever feel again. He’d been show that someone cared about him. Ever since his parents had left him at home, he’d known they had never cared. Once Chester was with him, he felt at home again. He had breakdowns multiple times. He’d been sent home from school for a few days because of a meltdown in class. He’d been in terrible shape.

The band had all been in their own stages of depression. Brad and Joe had missed quite a few days of practice during the first few months. Dave had made it his priority not to laugh at anything. If they ever made any joke, he would just nod once and look away. Any reference to Chester would make him leave the room. Rob stayed silent through many sessions. Mike knew he still felt terrible about what he’d done to Chester. The whole group had been suffering.

It went like that for five years. When they had started looking for companies to sign them, Mike hadn’t helped. He couldn’t believe they were living Chester’s dream without him. It was the worst thing he’d ever felt. Even the rejection from his parents didn’t compare to that feeling. Every time he looked at the message Chester had written out on the paper with his lyrics, he felt bad. He was fulfilling Chester’s dream without him. Just like Chester had predicted.

When Chester had walked into the studio to audition once again, he didn’t recognize him. The blonde hair that was usually spiky was cut very short on both sides. He had brown hair that fell into his eyes but was shaved on the sides but Mike had completely forgotten about that aspect of Chester’s hair. And when he sang, Mike had pictured Chester standing in front of them as a seventeen year old boy who was afraid of his own shadow. And that was why he’d broken down. But then Dave had asked the man what his name was and the man had replied very softly with ‘Chester Bennington.’ He could barely believe it when he’d said it. But it was the happiest moment of his life. When Chester had hugged him, it was the only thing that mattered. He had gotten the person he cared so much about back.

He looked back down at Chester’s form lying next to him. Chester was the sweetest person he ever met. He took his hand out of his hair and then wrapped it around the smaller man’s body. He pulled Chester as close to him as possible. It was comforting having him so close. Chester sighed and shifted in his sleep, turning around so his face was resting on the side of Mike’s chest. Mike smiled down at him and moved so Chester could rest his head on Mike’s chest without feeling uncomfortable. He knew Chester had a lot of bad dreams and sometimes the close contact with Mike was the only thing that could help him settle down. Mike had come to realize that rather quickly.

“Mmm, love you Chazzy,” he whispered as he turned the radio off. They weren’t going to play any of their music. He should stop hoping.

“M……Mike?” Chester asked sleepily. Mike smiled slightly as he laid down next to him. Chester yawned and then wrapped his arm around Mike’s stomach, holding him where he was. Mike grinned as Chester continued to lay on him.

“Yea what do you need?” Mike asked softly.

“Just wanted to……..make sure you were there,” Chester said quietly. Mike knew Chester still had terrifying dreams where he was being attacked and Mike wasn’t able to help him. Mike had dreams just like that. They were terrible. He’d see Chester only a few feet away, being beat up and he wasn’t able to help him. His legs wouldn’t move to save him.

“I’ll always be here for you Chazzy. I’m never leaving you again,” Mike whispered and he felt Chester sigh in relief. His body relaxed against Mike’s and he closed his eyes.

“That’s…..good.”

“Things will work out Chazzy. We’ll get out there,” Mike said and he felt Chester sigh again.

“I hope so.”

“Remember what I said about being a brilliant singer? Others will see that too,” Mike said and he saw Chester smile in the light of his clock.

          “Now go to sleep,” Mike said stroking Chester’s hair again.

          “Alright. Night Mikey,” Chester said and then he was sleeping again.

          “Night Chaz,” Mike sighed. He shut his eyes and smiled as he felt Chester’s body pressed against him. It was comforting. Even if they got one good hit off their album, he knew Chester would be happy. He’d be so happy. Just one hit. It would give his boyfriend something to live for.