The Possessive Alpha and his Stubborn Mate

Chapter 30

I wasn't sure how to go back to normal with Derek. I couldn't even look at him really. I kept imagining Kelly with him, touching him, being with him, all well I was probably less than a mile away!

It's horrible! Not to mention I can't even go into his office without imagining them in the there! In fact, I've started to avoid going into his office altogether. I even made a mental note to have Felix get someone in there to bleach the whole damn thing!

Yeah, Kelly was gone now and I probably had nothing to worry about, but the thought that I had to force Derek to kick her out, just tells you that he wouldn't have done it willingly. He probably wishes she can stay. I'm sure he'll miss her.

I'm just so sick of being lied to! If he wants her, he can have her! All he has to do it let me go. That's all I'm asking for.

I imagine where I'd go, how my life would be, and most of all, if I'd be able to genuinely smile, be able to breathe and feel free and not trapped. The thought although happy, made me sad because I knew it'd never be my reality, despite wanting it to be.

I wanted a life that felt like I fit in, a life where I wasn't so hurt all the time. I know that Derek hasn't been fair to me since I met him, but in a way, I always felt right around him, like I knew he wasn't going to hurt me, wasn't going to put me down. Only to find out that I was lying to myself, lying about actually thinking that he'd never hurt me.

Now I can't even look at him, let alone figure out how to forgive him.

But did I have a choice? Did it really matter to him if I forgave him or not? Because no matter what he'll always get his way with me, I'll always be here as long as I live, and he'll always have me even in a sense, I don't have him.

My point is, it probably doesn't matter if I forgive him now because eventually, I'll have to. I'm stuck with him forever.

The thought literally made me shudder, on top of that he's in love with another girl. I'm sure if it weren't for the mate bond, he'd pay for my cab out of here, and accept Kelly as his Luna.

It all just felt fake, it didn't feel real. Derek has always claimed to have cared about me, claimed that he wants me but I've never really seen him show it. Maybe because he knows it isn't true.

"Luna?" I glance up from the book in my hands at Felix.

I was sitting on the sofa in the living room, reading one of the books I had stolen from Derek's office.

Usually, I'd be in there reading it, but like I said, his office no longer felt like a place I was comfortable in.

"Yeah?" I ask, arching my eyebrow.

I was actually getting used to being called "Luna" it was still weird, and I still very much hated it, but it was growing on me.

Even though at this point it's the last thing I want to be called. "Alpha Derek would like to know what's taking you so long." I narrow my eyes. "Taking me so long? Is there something I should be doing?" I do remember Derek telling me to do something earlier but quite frankly I've been tuning him out altogether!

And I'm pretty sure no one can blame me for that. "Yeah, he asked you to meet him in his office earlier, after you changed." I couldn't even remember that conversation.

"Oh." I glance down at my book, debating whether just to continue reading and ignore him altogether, sending him a message that basically said "fuck off" which I wish I can say to him if I had the guts. I agreed that I'd still be here and that I'd still be trying to be a good Luna and mate, even after finding out that he had slept with Kelly. But the thought of being obedient to Derek after all that made me sick to my stomach.

"Can you tell him I'm busy?" I ask. Felix looked taken back. "Wha- sure." He shakes his head as if confused. "Thanks." With that, I gave him a smile and motioned him to leave.

I went back to reading my book, feeling actually pretty impressed with myself.

Derek didn't have to be completely in control of me. I felt like I had been giving him so much power after making that deal with him, but in reality, I probably could've given myself some room to breathe, room to say no every once in awhile!

I was literally letting him control what I do, what I wear, and who I talk to. It's ridiculous and if this ever is going to work, I'm gonna have to start putting my foot down when it comes to him and his stupid demands! Am I right?!?

I was still reading my book, smirking slightly at my sudden confidence when above me I can hear a throat clear. I look up to Derek, frowning. He had his arms crossed over his chest in an intimidating manner.

"Yes?" I ask, arching my eyebrow at him. I wasn't about to just give in, even though I knew he was mad that I had just refused to do as he asked.

"You're sitting here, reading a book. This is your version of busy?" He asks, tilting his head to the side. I rolled my eyes at him.

"Yes." I shrug.

"Allison- you can't just do this. You have responsibilities as Luna." He points out. I almost wanted to puke at the word. So young and I was being treated like a queen, and not in a good way where you have people feeding you grapes well you barked orders, but in the way where you had to constantly be on your feet in heels, smiling and waving at everyone when in reality you wanted to be dead!

Not to mention that my "responsibilities" as Luna were actually all bullshit! I had to go to meetings and stay quite well Derek did all the talking, literally sitting there acting like an obedient mate. I also had to go around talking to pack members as if I cared about this pack, I had to put on a fake face whenever I was outside this house. It literally just all felt like a bunch of baloney!

"Like?" I urge. "Like not being lazy." He points out. "Fuck off." With that I glance back down at my book, holding my breath and waiting for what was next to come. I was kinda afraid his wolf would come out, he was a little more demanding then Derek, and I can admit I was scared of his wolf side.

"What?" He asks as if not believing my attitude.

Well if you didn't want to deal with my attitude Derek you shouldn't have fucked around with Kelly!

"You heard me." I close my book, looking up at him. "Allison.." he clenches his teeth as if trying to control my anger. "Can we not do this right not, today?" He asks.

"How is this fair Derek? You can do what you did to me, and then just expect me to go back to normal? Doing everything you want! Being whoever you want me to be?" I ask. "It just doesn't work that way," I add.

He chuckles harshly, shaking his head. "Cry me a fucking river. Get over it."

I couldn't even explain the way I felt after he said that. It just proved my point further that he really just didn't care, that he really didn't want me for me. That he didn't regret sleeping with Kelly, that he was, in fact, okay with his actions.

"Find yourself a new mate Derek, I'm done." I stand up front the couch, pushing past him, finding myself running out the door and towards my parent's house. The only place I felt like I could get away to after all this.