The Possessive Alpha and his Stubborn Mate

Chapter 53

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I forced myself into some jeans and a T-shirt. I knew if my father saw me the way I've been looking lately, he'd have less peace of mind. It was already hard for him but if he saw how much I'd been crumbling, it'd become harder.

I have to be the rock that holds him up, even if I don't have anything holding me up either. Though Derek is there for me, he's been keeping his distance for some reason. I have no idea why. Maybe because the day he told me about my mother I yelled at him to leave me alone. But I couldn't see anyone that day, I needed to be left alone but now- now I'm so hurt that all I want is to comfort and the one person that I know can actually comfort me doesn't seem to want to.

I starred in the mirror at my reflection. My eyes had bags under them and my face was pale. I looked at myself as I gathered my hair and put it in a bun. I looked lost, I didn't look like myself and I couldn't recognize myself. I felt as if I were watching myself from afar, watching myself break down and look so emotionally drained.

My mother's dead and I have no idea what's next. How was I supposed to see my father and be there for him? How am I supposed to attend my mother funeral tomorrow without all the regret? Without feeling like I did so much wrong, that I'm a horrible person for not being the daughter she wanted and deserved. I feel as if I pushed her away from my whole life and now I'm left with utter regret. I'll never get to apologize to her. I'll never get to say I'm sorry for the shitty things I've said, for the things I've done and regretted.

I'll never get to have moments with her that I've always wanted to have. She won't be there to give me advice when I'm broken or when I get married and I'm confused. She won't be there to talk me through life when I have no idea what I'm doing. She's gone and I can never have her back. Why couldn't it have been me that went instead of her?

"Allison?" I look up at Felix as he walked in. I hadn't realized that I was staring in the mirror and crying. I wiped my tears and shook my head.

"S-Sorry... is there something you need?" I ask, turning towards him and acting as if everything was alright.

As if I weren't just crying, as if my heart wasn't so broken.

"Are you alright?" He stepped closer to me.

"Yeah- I'm fine.. like I'm good and alright.." I nodded my head as if to reassure him extra- I also knew I was trying to convince myself that I actually was alright.

"Allison.." he starts.

I shake my head and allowed myself to burst into tears.

"I'm not alright- I don't think I ever will be." He sighs before grabbing me and hugging me. I cried into his chest.

I tried stopping my tears but the more I tried the more I cried.

"I'm so sorry Allison. You've been through hell and back." he hugged me tighter.

I cried for a bit longer until I finally collected myself. I wiped away my tears as I backed away from him. He gave me a sad smile full of pity.

"Where's Derek?" I ask slowly.

"He was in his office last I checked."

"Is he like... mad at me or something? He doesn't seem to be around much." I murmur.

"He's not mad at you- he could never. He's just trying to give you space. He thinks it's all his fault." I narrow my eyes, confused.

His fault? I'd never blame Derek. He didn't know what Kelly was going to do! He didn't know that Kelly was going to attack and take me. He was as shocked and unexpecting as I was!