Cool Kids [p. parker] || SLOW UPDATES

FIFTEEN

CHAPTER FIFTEEN
( "IT'S NOT WRONG" )

TERRIFIED. THAT'S HOW HE felt as he stood in front of Anita Rowe's house. Her grandparents were out for the day, meaning that Anita was home alone and it was a perfect opportunity to talk to her about it without getting interrupted by nosey adults. His palms were sweaty, and the hood of his jacket was up over his head, hiding his anxious expression from prying eyes as he just stood there like a dumbass. He was thankful that it was Saturday, because that means he didn't need to rush anywhere; but that also meant a lot of people were out and about, the strangers eyeing him in confusion. Nick licked his lips and debated about turning around and leaving, making more foot prints in the fallen snow. But then his phone vibrated in his jacket pocket, and he pulled the device out.

[from: rowe ur boat
are you gonna fucking stand there forever or come inside before you get a fucking cold???]

Nick looked up and to each of the windows. He soon noticed Anita standing behind one, curtains drawn so she could see out. For a split second, his anxiety about the situation grew and he seriously debated on just bolting and letting his friend down, but he stayed put. He was truly terrified, more of what they were going to talk about than anything. They haven't had a good conversation since the other day when he had become a bit too defensive towards the topic of liking Peter. Since then, Nick's been distant with the girl, and she didn't like it. So, they made plans – correction, Anita gave him no choice – to hang out, both knowing that they were going to have to talk.

Finally, Nick found the courage to open the door and stepped inside the warm house, shutting the door behind him just as Anita stepped away from the window she had been looking out of. He slipped the gloves off of his hands and pushed back the hood of his jacket, his favorite beanie staying on his head. The two were waiting for the other to speak up first as they stood in front of each other. But neither knew what to say, or what to start with.

The conversation they were about to talk about was the fact that Anita knows Nick isn't straight, and that he's not completely okay with is the same way he had been before. Maybe he never truly was in the first place. He thought about it throughout the few days the the of them weren't exactly talking, and finally came up with the conclusion that he was never really okay with himself. He never even spoke of having a boyfriend during that summer camp when he was twelve to his parents; he knew they would find it wrong then, just like they would now. Hell, he was terrified of Marty knowing, too, because of his family's religious beliefs. Same goes with Anita's family as well. And he doesn't want to cause rifts or break up friendships or get told that he's disgusting by people he loves, which is why—

"I can't be gay."

Immediately, Anita frowned. "Nick-."