it was just one night.

depression and dates

*tw; mentions self-harm and a previous suicide attempt*

Alec was right. Isabelle was not shutting up about this.
"I shouldn't have shrieked. Or actually have walked in. Because then, judging by the way you were eating each others' faces-and don't say you weren't-you would've been returning tonight with a very sore behind."
Jace snickered. Clary and Simon were off somewhere.
"We aren't dating, so actually no, that would not happen. And, I will have you know, I am 100%-"
"Homosexual?"offered Jace.
"Yeah! Wait-no. No no no,that is not what I meant-"
Alec was stopped by Izzy shoving him into his closet. Before he could get out, she had locked it with a rune.
"Very funny, Iz. Let me out."
"Not until you say the magic words!"
"Please?"
"That's one word. And no, not that."
"What do I have-oh. Oh."
Alec realised what Isabelle wanted him to say. And, belatedly, where he was. He took a deep breath.
"...I'm gay."
It was one thing he had taken almost all his life to accept about himself. To accept that he could never be who he truly was.
That was one of the reasons he had enjoyed last night so much. Someone, rather than being revolted by the idea of him, had actually kissed him. That was why he was actually genuinely going to go back, like Magnus had requested.
"Alec, you can come out now."
Alec stepped out, and gave his parabatai and sister a sad smile, ready for them to tell him to leave, for Jace to burn his parabatai rune off, for Izzy to scream that he was disgusting. What he told himself 9 nights out of 10. What happened next took him by surprise.
Izzy practically catapulted herself at him, throwing her arms around him and holding him close.
"I'm so proud of you big brother," she said, voice muffled by Alec's soft, hole-filled sweater.
"But-why don't you hate me? When I imagined this happening, you were telling me I was disgusting, and Jace-Jace was doing everything in his power to remove his parabatai rune." Alec's eyes were shining with tears. "I've-I've known since I was 8. Hated myself since I was 8. My teenage years made it worse. I developed crushes. I locked myself away from everyone, because I couldn't cope. I didn't cope. There were a few times that I cut myself. Deeply. I-I once attempted suicide, even though I knew what it would do to you all if you knew. Especially Jace. And I'm sorry, Iz, but sometimes I still have those feelings. Once a suicidal person attempts suicide and survives, they don't just stop trying or feeling that way." Once he finished his mini speech, he burst into tears. He had just spilt out years of secrets.
Isabelle was crying too. Even Jace had a few tears rolling down his cheeks.
"Alec," Izzy said,trying to control her breath,"Alec, I am so so sorry you had to go through all this. Alone. We can't-I can't-turn back time. We can't erase the years of pain you went through. However, we can improve your future. Starting now, you HAVE to tell us ANY AND EVERY time you feel even slightly down. We'll take care of you, Jace and I. We'll protect you. Always."
It was Jace's turn to speak. He lightly pushed Isabelle off Alec, and took his parabatai's face in his hands, wiping tears as they fell.
"Alec,listen to me,and listen very clearly. I am your parabatai; I love you. Always have, always will."
"Any guy will be lucky as hell to have you," he continued. "But God so help me, if anyone DARES break your heart, they will NOT see the next day. Now come here, you gay disaster."
Jace, Izzy and Alec shared a hug.
"We're Lightwoods. We're a team," she said, grasping Alec's hand.

------------------

Alec was woken up by a pillow being thrown at his face. Harshly.
"WAKE UP GAY, IT'S BANG BANG DAY."
"Jace, I swear on Raziel-"
"What? It's true. You're gay, and it's bang bang day!"
"No, it's Friday, you-" Alec stopped midsentence.
"Oh my god, it's Friday."
"You said that already, idiot."
"But it's not just any Friday, it's the Friday."
"What did you think I meant by bang bang day?"
"Oh-wait, no. I said there would be no bang bang. Again, we're not dating."
"Tell me that after tonight, Alexander Lightwood."And with that, Jace left, just as Izzy barged through the door with at least 90 clothing items slung around her body.
"Oh no."
"Oh YES."

--------------------------

Magnus had woken up very early that Friday, though at first he couldn't remember why the day was important. His phone buzzed, and with a groan he turned around and clicked the notification.
unknown number: heyyy. it's isabelle lightwood, the sister of the guy you were mouth-fucking the other night. just wanna say, if u break his heart, i'll break u xx izzy
to isabelle: um okay,, we're not even dating but I'll do what u say. I'm not an asshole.
Magnus clicked off Isabelle and sat in bed in a mild panic. He hadn't specified what tonight was to Alec. He'd literally just told him he wanted him over. Hell, Magnus didn't even know if he'd turn up. But what if he did? What if he came all dressed up? Moreover, Magnus had barely any simple clothing.
Wait. Why was he so worried? It wasn't as if this was a date. He wasn't even sure if anything would happen between them, or where their 'relationship' may go. In fact, Alec could be just like all the other Shadowhunters; stuck-up, self-centred dicks.
However, little did he know that this night was going to change his life forever.

-------------------

Two hours and a lot of arguing later, Isabelle had persuaded Alec to wear some black skinny jeans, leather boots, a leather jacket, and a dark blue shirt that complimented his eyes of the same colour.
"You don't think it's too much? I mean this isn't a date. Actually, I'm not sure what it is, or what it's meant to be-"
"Alec, calm. Take a breath. It's going to be fine. It seems as if," Izzy cleared her throat," you already have the hots for this guy. Not gonna lie, he is cute. Imagine that, the High Warlock of Brooklyn fell for my brother."
"I most certainly do NOT have the hots for him."
"Oh, my bad. You actually have an entire inferno for him."
"You'll become an inferno in a minute when I throw you into a pit of lava."
"Now, that's not a very nice thing to say to your little sister, is it?"
"What isn't a nice thing to say to your sister?"
The siblings looked down. Their youngest brother, Max, had just wandered into the room.
"Oh, nothing. We're just talking about how Alec has a crush on the High Warlock of Brooklyn. In fact, he's going to see him later!"
It took a moment for Isabelle to process what she had said. She slapped her hand across her mouth.
She'd just accidentally outed Alec to Max.
"Wait-him? You like a boy?"
Izzy felt horrible. Max didn't seem to know what was wrong.
Alec spoke.
"Yes, Max. I do like a boy. I like boys, not girls. That means I'm gay. Do you...are you okay with it?"
"Yeah, sure. It doesn't bother me," Max said with a shrug, heading out of the room.
Alec and Izzy shared a smile. Then she saw the time.
"Alec! It's six thirty! You need to leave now if you're gonna be there for seven!"
"Oh crap, I gotta go. I'll see you later, Iz!" he said, planting a kiss on top of his sister's head.
"Bye!"she said.
As he left, she made sure he was out of earshot before muttering,"Make sure you use protection."