it was just one night.

sires and self-hate

"No, chica!" Raphael yelled as Clary launched forward, trying to help him out.
"You have to leave him to get out of there himself."
Clary looked absolutely furious. "WHAT DO YOU MEAN?! YOU SERIOUSLY THINK I AM GOING TO LET HIM STRUGGLE OUT OF THE GROUND BY HIMSELF?!"
"Yes. And you must."
Clary clenched her jaws and fists. Simon's arms looked as if they were trembling from the amount of effort he had to put in to getting out of there. Magnus was standing watching him with a distant look, as if he was remembering an event similar to what was going on right now. Alec was staring at Magnus with a worried look.
Suddenly, Simon choked and pulled himself up. He lay gasping and coughing on the ground. Raphael walked forward, and crouched down. Without saying anything, he handed him a pouch of what looked to be blood. Clary felt herself gagging. Jace hugged her tight into his chest, shielding her eyes from Simon.
He drank the liquid within a matter of seconds, looking around for more. Raphael chucked a few down and finally spoke.
"He is now a vampire. He is not alive." Simon's skin was sheet white, almost see through. The blue lines of his veins were clear. He was cold to the touch, freezing even. And there was no pulse.
Simon cleared his throat.
"Wh...what happened to me?" He looked down at his arms.
"I'm so pale? And...no. No way. This can't be real. This- Clary come here. Feel my chest. Here."
"Simon, I- I know. You don't have a pulse. You're dead."
"Well, undead, to be precise."
Simon looked at Raphael properly for the first time. "Who are you?"
Raphael looked as if he couldn't be bothered, but explained it anyway.
"Raphael Santiago, leader of the New York vampire clan. I'm your sire."
"You look 15."
Raphael suddenly became slightly uncomfortable. He hated talking about his death. He was 15, meant to be 16 a few days later.
"I gave you a new form of life, chico. Do not make me regret it."
Simon looked confused, but decided it was probably a better idea to not aggravate Raphael.
"So you're my sire? So I'm a vampire?!"
"Not cool like in movies though. They don't portray it right. Have you any idea, mi amigo, how hard it is to accept yourself this way? It took a long time for me to do that. Many years."
Raphael then glanced over to Magnus, looking for a look of approval. He nodded. Magnus gripped Alec's hand tightly.
"Are you okay?" Alec asked, concerned.
"I'm fine. I just...Raphael is about to say some things I haven't ever really told many people."
Alec let go of Magnus' hand and wrapped his arms around him in a reassuring hug.
"Magnus was called upon by my mother to find me. She thought I'd been taken by the vampires. Magnus walked in to the DuMort and found a dying boy. He thought it was me, and held him in his arms until the boy died. I...I killed him. For food. I came out of the corner. I was already a vampire. I didn't want it, and tried to throw myself into the path of the sun, but Magnus held me back. He took me back to his apartment and, well, I lived with him for a while. He trained me to accept myself, and even to be able to visit my family down in the Spanish Harlem. I may not have been the nicest all the time; I'm very sarcastic. But I hope Magnus knows that I hold him very dear to my heart for doing everything he did for me."
Magnus looked almost emotional. He was about to start speaking when Raphael interrupted.
"¡Dios mío! Is that a Shadowhunter with his arms around you? Dear me, Magnus, I knew you were slightly insane but I never thought you'd go that far."
Alec looked embarrassed.
Raphael recognised him, which was even worse.
"And it's none other than the Lightwoods' eldest! Young Alexander. I remember one day, when Magnus was telling me about your mother speaking to him about you. You were just a baby, and she said something about making the world better for you. He called you a-"
"Raphael."
"-doubtless repellent brat."
Alec didn't seem upset by that. He just had no idea what was going on.
"I think we need to bring Simon somewhere inside. He's going to need it."
Raphael answered Clary.
"My dear, you're going to struggle with that."
"Why?" Clary asked.
"I can't do this! I can't fucking do this! There's no fucking way. I'm not alive. I'm not a fucking person anymore. I don't exist. I'm fucking dead."
Clary reached over to put an arm around him.
"No! Don't touch me. I'm a fucking freak. I'm a monster. I don't want to be here if I'm not a fucking person."
Clary's jaw dropped. Jace went over to Simon holding onto his arm.
"Dude, you-"
"Don't touch me!" Simon yelled. He threw his arm back. Jace yelled as he was thrown back, and shrieked in pain as his head hit the trunk of a tree at full force.
"Jace!" Alec yelled, rushing towards him.
"Simon!" Clary yelled, rushing towards him.
But he was too late.
He was already unconscious.
But she was too late.
He'd already ran away.

hey lads i'm really sorry ik this chapter is super short but it's because i wanted to get something out before my birthday!
my birthday is literally in like 40 minutes lmfao
buuut i have some cool news! twenty one pilots are doing a signing in a store near me for trench, and i'm going! i got in on time aaaa i get to meet them ksdncn
also i can't remember if i said or not but i'll be 14 :)

p.s my english is so bad lmao wtf is wrong with me