Pawn

Chapter 31

"What are these bugs called daddy. They little butts light up."

"Those are called fireflies little one. You can put them in jar and watch them light up close up. Here, take this one."

"Every time I try to get one, it flies away. Why won't it be still?"

"Don't get frustrated little one. You have to be patient. That's one way of life. You won't get things accomplished if you rush. If you want it that bad, be patient and take your time."

I remember that day like it was yesterday. That was the first time my father taught me a lesson in life. He taught me everything except how to survive without him.

My eyes were puffy from all the crying I had done. I would stop then go back to crying again. This was a pain that I've never felt before. My father didn't die of natural causes, he was murdered.

This hurt was too much for me to bare. I don't have anybody no more. Might as well just end it all right here in this bathroom, at least I'll be with my father.

I sat in the shower with the water running on me and a razor blade that I found in the medicine cabinet. Bleeding out was how I wanted to go.

The first slit was stung a little but after a few more slashes, I began to feel numb and drowsy. I watched the clear running water turn bright red. My body started feeling weak and limp.

"Uh Riley it's Drennon. I just wanted to check up on you. Can you at least open the door? Riley?"

"What the fuck Riley."

I looked up weakly at Drennon. He threw away the razor blade, turned the shower off, and bridal styled carried me onto the bed.

"You should've let me died Drennon. I didn't want you to save me. I want to be with my father." I tried getting up but Drennon lightly pulled me back.

"Riley, calm down. You can't act like this right now. I know you're hurting, you hurting like hell but calm down."

I sat up in the bed and silently burst into tears. Drennon went to grab a towel to wrap around the cuts I had made on my wrists.

I leaned over on his shoulder while he sat beside me. With his other arm, he wrapped around me. "I feel like this is all my fault. That should've been me on the news instead of my father."

Drennon tilted my chin up to face him. "I don't want to ever hear you talk like that again." A tear rolled down my face as he wiped it of with his hand.

"I felt the same way you did when my mother died. Me and my brother had got into with some niggas around the corner from us. That stray bullet was meant for me, not her."

"I questioned myself a lot. Like if I hadn't of got to fighting with that crowd, would my mother still be here? I still believe if I had of just walked away that day, she would."

"That wasn't your fault, you had no idea that was going to happen that day."

"The same goes for you. You didn't know that this was going to happen. Trust me, I know how you feel but some things you just can't control. That's up to a higher power that's above us."

I just wanted to talk to my father one last time to let him know that I never stopped loving him. Even through all the wrongs he had done, I knew they had came from a good place.

I appreciate Drennon taking care of me like this, he didn't have to. It's kinda like he's returning the favor from when I would care for him.

"Riley, are you aight? Lee called and told me what happened."

Bakari was the last person I wanted to see. I know I shouldn't be like that but the sight of him makes me upset. I'm just really not in the mood or in the right state of mind.

"Don't try and talk to me now when yesterday you was just accusing me of having something going on with Veno." I spat at him. Drennon jerked his head back in confusion.

"Veno? Why would you be having something going on with him?"

"Every since we kissed-."

"Y'all kissed?"

Drennon looked both and forth between the both of us. I didn't mean for it to slip out like that. This is just too much stress to be dealing with right now.

Bakari just stood up there running his fingers threw his hair.

"I'm going to go get you some ice. I'll be back." Drennon left out the room swiftly walking past Bakari. He didn't even look at him.

Bakari came and sat in the same spot Drennon did. "What happened to your wrist?" Little specks of blood had seeped through the towel.

"Nothing." I blankly said.

"Something happened, why would you be bleeding like that then if nothing happened?"

"Bakari, I really don't feel like talking to you right now so can you just leave."

The little energy I did have was gradually leaving my body and I didn't want to waste anymore of on him. I just wanted to be left alone in my sorrow.

"Why you coming at me like that Riley? I came over here cause Lee told me about your father. I'm just making sure you straight."

"Making sure I'm straight? You know what can make me straight? If you can just straight leave me alone. I would be very appreciative."

"So you can talk to Drennon but you won't talk to me? Out of all people?"

He just doesn't get the picture. Now he wants my forgiveness just cause he's over here. I didn't ask him to come. Really wasn't even expecting him. Bakari was the furthest person from my mind. All who was on my was my father.

"It's not about you, Drennon, or me for even that matter. I just lost my father and you up here complaining about me not talking to you?"

By that time, Drennon had came back with a pitcher of small ice cubes. Me and Bakari looked at each other before he got up and walked out.

"Where you going B?" Drennon asked. All heard was the front door slamming. "I do not have time for that nigga shit today."

"You don't have stay here with me. I'm not going to do anything severe like that again. I just really want to be left alone."

Drennon put some of the ice on a new clean towel and twisted it up to form a ice ball. He carefully placed it on my cuts. The coldness was like a fresh smoothness covering the heat from my cuts.

"That's the worst time to leave a person when they feel that way. I know you don't feel like being around anyone right now but you're too emotional and vulnerable to be just left alone."

Tears started forming in my eyes. I tried turning away from Drennon so he wouldn't see me but all he did was make me face him.

"A part of you is hurting because I'm right and the other part your father. Am I right?"

I simply nodded. I feel like an emotional wreck. I can't even talk. Crying is like my only real emotion at this point.

Drennon wrapped my wrist up again. "You need to lay down so your body can restore some energy back." He pulled me up by my waist and shifted the covers down. He then laid me down on my back making sure my wrist was okay.

"I'm going to let you rest aight." I was getting choked up again and Drennon could see it.

"Scoot over."

I hesitated a little but the worry went away when I saw the look in his eyes. I slide over as he came beside me. He placed his arm around me while he pushed me into his chest.

I couldn't help but to cry feeling so defeated. My father was the only piece of me left and he's gone. I done been through some things in my life but this might just break me.

Drennon just kept rubbing my arm so gently that eventually I ended up going to sleep in his chest.