Pawn

Chapter 58

"You ever wonder where we go when we die? Like what's on the other side of the sky?" Bakari asked as he stared off into space thinking. I looked at him as to why or what would make him want to ask such a question.

"Um, that's something I really haven't thought about." I told him. That whole question blindsided me. "What would make you want to ask that?"

He blew out a breath while he scratched his head. "I don't know, just wondered. As bad as I want to see heaven, I don't think I am?"

"What you mean?"

"I've killed, I took people lives. I don't know if God would be so forgiving of me. It's a sin to take a life because you can't give it back. Dying is not what I'm afraid of, it's where my soul is going to go is what I'm afraid of. Maybe I deserve to burn."

My eyes had got a little teary-eyed from hearing him say that. To think he deserves that saddens me. I know he isn't a saint, nobody is but he still has time to make things right.

"Don't talk like that."

"Why not, it's true. Why should God show me any mercy or forgiveness if I couldn't do that for the lives I took?"

"God is a forgiving God, he knows your heart." I had placed my hand over his chest. "You know how many people sin out here daily? You think God just turns away from them?"

"Just like homosexuals. A lot of them are told that they're going to hell because of their sexuality. I feel like that is not for anybody to judge except God. It's a sin, yes, but God loves us all in my opinion. We have knowledge to know right from wrong, it's up to us to learn from it. You get what I'm saying Bakari?"

He just looked at smiled. "Yeah, I get what you saying. Thanks Riley."

"No problem. I don't ever want to hear you talk like that again though. Not you, Drennon, Lee, you scared me talking like that. Y'all all I know." I said nudging him with my elbow.

"Don't worry, I'll always be with you."

I don't know if any of what I just said made a difference but I hope something got through to him. Him worrying about where his soul would go got to me, it made me think where Drennon's would go.

Just like Bakari, he's killed also. I wish neither of them chose this life to live. I get having to fiend for yourself and doing what you had to do but they could've did things the right way.

Look at me, I practically had to fiend for myself but I didn't do it the drug way. No lie, it's easy money but what comes easy ain't always good. Because of my father's circumstances, we had to live in a neighborhood where I would see drug transactions almost everyday.

That's why I never wanted to deal with men like that. It's too much to handle. You have to worry about police, other drug lords, cracked-out fiends. The way I'm set-up, I wouldn't have lasted a day in that world.

That makes me think about this one friend I had. She was into those kinds of men and that fast lifestyle. I would tell her all the time she was moving too fast and her ways are going to soon catch up with her.

One day, a guy she was going with asked her to cover his corners while he went out of town. I guess he trusted her that much. Unknowing to her knowledge, one of the people she sold to was an undercover cop and busted her.

When her guy heard about it, he convinced her to take the charges. He feed her so many lies about how he loved her and would marry her when she got out. Thing was she never got out. He told the cops all the dope that was his was hers and how she was the one running things.