Idolize Me

Chapter Twenty-Six

Chapter Twenty-Six

Ezra's POV

I didn't think I'd fall asleep, at least I didn't plan on it. I hadn't slept all night, when three in the morning arrived, I couldn't take it any longer. I hated the silence of my dorm, the constant anxiety flowing through me as I thought about what I had to do today.  

So, I selfishly went to Olivia's dorm, and pounded on her door, knowing she would be asleep. I don't even remember doing it. One moment I was making myself sick thinking about seeing Athena again, and the next I found myself standing in front of Olivia's dorm, thinking only about her.

And when she opened the door, her messy hair, makeup-less face, oversized T-shirt, and bare legs, I never had been more intrigued by her. Most women wouldn't look at me without making sure they looked their best. Most women would be embarrassed to be seen like this in front of me.

All of them, they always made a point to show off to me. I hate their arrogance.

But not her. Olivia never cared about what I thought about her, it is unique.

I'm so fucking confused by her.

One moment she's all I want, and the next I find myself hating her because she hates me.

Sometimes I forget that the only reason she kisses me is because of a deal we made.

And sometimes I choose to ignore it.

I awoke to Olivia sleeping calmly beside me. Her body was inches from mine, and for a few moments I imagined pulling her closer to me. I wondered what it'd be like to lay in bed with someone, to care about them in an inexplainable way. To not care about the day ahead because being with them was the only thing that mattered.

I imagined it, at least I attempted to, but I couldn't. Maybe I'm incapable of understanding it. Incapable, but somehow still hoping to feel it one day.

I sat up, not wanting to leave, but knowing if I didn't, my parents could put me back in a hospital room.

To put it simply, I'd rather die.

I carefully stepped out of bed, wondering why I would ever make an attempt to be quiet just so I wouldn't wake her up.

I don't care about others. I never bothered to be silent with anyone else I was in bed with.

And yet, when I walked out her dorm, I shut the door so gently, the only noise to be heard was a soft click in the hall.

It's as if she possesses me. I find that I do things I wouldn't normally do when I'm around her. I still don't know why I told her about what I had to do today. Seeing Athena was not something I wanted anyone to know, not even Olivia.

And yet I told her.

I shook my head and pulled out a cigarette. I left the dorm building, immediately noticing the black vehicle sitting on the corner of campus.

That was my ride. My ride to take me to the only place on earth I don't want to be.

I lit the cigarette in my hand, and only stared at the vehicle. Athena hates it when I make her wait. So it's become a habit.

Ten minutes went by, then fifteen. I had to keep reminding myself to breathe. My hands felt like they were being pricked by needles, like any moment I was going to lose my vision and black out.

Why I let one woman make me feel this way, I beyond me.

I dropped the cigarette on the ground, made my way to the vehicle. Each step I took seem to get heavier and heavier and I don't remember walking all the way to the car until I was already there.