My Heart Beats For You // Alice Cullen

25. The Roses

Being home is comfortable - sort of. It's refreshing being here, a lot different to the group home, but I'm glad I did come home in the end. Finding my footing was a little tricky, but I got there; I've begun taking online classes to pass my diploma as I only need a handful of credits, I've found a therapist I like and I go to yoga. Yep - I've aged.

I bet your wondering how things with Alice are - don't get your hopes up, they're not. I haven't had the courage to see her since our little F.R.I.E.N.D.S fest and major heart to heart, and I've been avoiding the Cullens. This is such a sucky situation and I can't find a way out of it.

I have seen them a few times over the past couple months; Carlisle always checks in, Esme comes and cooks for me sometimes and Edward often takes me for coffee. I just... Avoiding them and the house and Alice just seems the best way to think and to process everything, to comprehend my own way. My mind is jumbled with trying to stay on the road of recovery, trying to graduate, Alice.

Oh god Alice.

She's there everything I close my eyes.

She's there when I stare at my room - she helped me decorate it years ago and half the close in my closet were chosen by her.

She's on my mind because I don't know what the hell to do.

If I go back to Alice, everything I've worked so hard for over the last 4 months or so of being home will be nothing. All the times I've resisted her, tried to get over her, would have been a waste of energy and healing time.

But if I just ingore her? I feel like I'd never get a chance at 'the one' again. She's my one. She's my everything. It terrifies me to think that. I want to be strong willed and never give her or anyone else the satisfaction of running back to her.

But then Bella's words ring true in my ears all the time. 'Make up your mind and get out of our world. You will not hurt Alice anymore.' Do I listen to her? She's the reason Alice left me in the first place. She's the reason Alice and I fought so much. She was the reason my whole life changed. I was safe with the Cullens until she turned up. That's when the danger really started.

I sigh as the doorbell rings and I drag myself downstairs to answer it. I raise an eyebrow when I see Rosalie with a bunch of roses - the roses! Ha. "Um hi?"

She peaks over them. "Hi!" She grins as she walks right in. "Home alone?"

"Yes... why...." I say slowly as I follow her to the kitchen.

She already has scissors and two vases down, beginning to cut the stalks and put them in the vases. "We bought you flowers, just to remind you that, y'know, were here." She grins shrugging.

I sigh and roll my eyes as I sit at the breakfast bar. "You know I'm avoiding you."

"Yes we do." She smirks. "You lil bitch."

I laugh. "I know I'm sorry... I'm just - I'm all over the place if I'm honest. I thought maybe I'd get clarity if I stayed away but..." I puff air into my cheeks and blow it out as I shake my head.

"Clarity about you and Alice? I can solve that - get back together." She shrugs.

I groan. "You sound like your mom." I sigh. "I can't do that."

"Why? You guys are soul mates."

"Maybe we are. But that doesn't mean we work." I shake my head. "Humans aren't made for your world."

"Yes they are." She scowls. "Where's all this coming from? You never cared before."

"Before. Before I almost died several times from knowing you guys." I say, quickly carrying on to not offend her. "I mean, I love you all so much but I have to think of me in these cases. I can't stay human but I don't know if your life is the life for me."