My Heart Beats For You // Alice Cullen

29. The Split Second Decision

"I wanna wait a few years still." I say softly to Alice as we lay entangled on the sandy beach of Isle Esme.

Her hand runs up and down my bare thigh. "That's fine with me baby - we do this when you're ready." She kisses my head and I smile gently. The image of her relieved face at our engagement sticks with me every time I get a little scared of the thought of being turned into a vampire. I'm not afraid of what I'll become - not entirely, anyway - but I'm afraid of the pain. The suffering from the thirst... the losing people. I've come to terms with it, it was my decision, but it's still hard to process right now.

I stare up at the blue sky. "I don't think I'll ever be ready to go home... this prehoneymoon was the best idea you've ever had."

"You're so mean." She laughs as she sits up a little and tucks my hair back. I look up at her, the sun like a halo around her head as she smiles down at me. Her eyes are so warm, a few days after feeding when they're my favourite color. "You're staring again." She smirks.

"I'll always stare. I just can't believe you're mine." I sigh and touch her cheek.

"You are so cheesy."

I roll my eyes and sit up. "You just love ruining romantic moments."

"Of course." She giggles and kisses my cheek. She gasps a little as she sits up straight; she's having a vision. Her stare is blank as she looks off in the distance.

I frown. "What is it babe?"

She blinks and looks at me, her face pained. "Your mom... she's making your family move away."

I frown deeply. "Like, far away..?"

"I saw her packing and a ticket for London on the side. She made your dad take a promotion out there." She takes my hands.

I tear. "Was-was she going to tell me?" I whisper as I swallow hard. I already know the answer.

"No..."

"Ronnie?"

"I'd assume he's going too. I'm so sorry love." Alice whispers and kisses my head. I lean into her and begin to sob, her arms wrapping around me in comfort; she rubs my back gently and rocks us, trying to soothe me. Nothing can soothe me right now - my own mothers abandoning me.

"Let's go inside before you burn." Alice says gently as she picks me up, carrying me the few hundred feet to the house. I cling to her as I cry, my heart breaking. I won't get to see my dad anymore, or my sister's. He won't be able to give me away with Ronnie and the girls won't be able to be my bridesmaids. Tommy won't be paigeboy and I won't get to dance with any of them. Right now I don't even think I want to get married...

I begin to sob harder, my chest feeling tighter and tighter. "C-can't breathe!" I sob between breaths.

Alice scrambles and is gone for a split second before she helps me hold a paper bag over my mouth; I try to calm my breathing and slowly do so as she rubs my back. "I'm here baby, deep breaths." She encourages. "It's all going to be okay-"

"No." I gasps as tears fall. "No it's n-not. I was supposed to h-have time with them. L-lots of time, to-to make memories and-and now..." I shake my head and swallow hard. Now? I have no time. No time to say goodbye or show them how much they mean to me. No time to build something for the girls that will remind them of me everyday; and no time to teach them a thing or two. No time to spend with Tommy, no time for Ronnie and our usual trips out. Nothing.

Alice is silent. "I'm sorry... I don't know what else to say." She admits; she's never been much of an emotional person.

I shake my head and hiccups. "Can you... Can you go hunt or something? I kinda need some time alone." I whisper.