Book I: I'll Be Your Melody

Chapter 33

Amy POV

I don't know how long I stand there, at the street in front of Cube Entertainment. I cannot erased from my mind what I saw just now, Hyunsik kissing another girl.

Hyunsik kissing his first love. Seoyeon!

I still hold on to my necklace, praying for it to give me the strenght. Hoping somehow it shines bright and take me out of this darkness in my mind that slowly entrapping me.

Hyunsik... I cried for his name in my mind, calling him to come and hug me, give me the comfort he always provide when I need it.

I wipe my tears, I need to get out of here soon. I can't let anyone see me. I hailed the first cab I saw coming towards me, luckily it stopped.

I didn't mind that the driver keep glancing at me at his rearview mirror, I couldn't help it, no matter how much I wipe my eyes, tears keep falling down my face. The driver silently handed me a box of tissue which I gratefully took from him. I stare at the window and let my tears fall down.

When I got back to the apartment, I went straight to my room, I just stood there in front of my bed, staring at nothing. I let myself fall down to the floor, I leaned on the bed, hugged my knees and cry.

I think about all the times we spent together, I laughed like crazy about our first meeting, our first date, the date at the park, Hyunsik kissing me in Achasan, the day I told him about Mom, the first time he said he loves me, the first night we spent together. All of it, all of it goes through my mind like a movie flashing in a screen.

I broke down, I cried, I screamed. I called Hyunsik's name over and over again, God please tell me she's not real, and that she's not taking him back. God please!!! I pleaded helplessly to God, hoping he would hear me.

Mom, why does it hurt this bad?

I wish my Mom was here, I wish she's here to tell me what to do, to hug me. But she's no longer here, both of them. Mom and Hyunsik, they're both gone now, taken away by a force I cannot fight against.

Seoyeon. Even her name sounded so pretty, who wouldn't love her, right? She was his first love. They were together for years, we were together for like a month. How can I compete with that?

I remembered what I saw earlier. Hyunsik kissing her, hugging her. Why did I have to see that? Why does it have to hurt this bad?

Hyunsik, please tell me you love me and not her. Please....

I didn't realize I fell asleep while crying, I woke up craddling my knees at the floor. I looked at my phone.

45 missed calls
10 messages

All of it coming from Hyunsik. I got conflicted if I should open the messages. I'm afraid to read that he woud tell me its over for us.

I took a deep breath and open his messages.

➡️ I'm Sorry
➡️ Amy, can we talk later?
➡️ Amy?
➡️ I understand if you're mad, please talk to me
➡️ Amy, I got stucked at recording
➡️ Amy, please answer me
➡️ Amy, I know you're mad, please answer my calls
➡️ Amy where the hell are you?
➡️ Amy I'm worried now, please tell me you're okay
➡️ Amy, we need to talk

I don't know how to talk to him. I cannot face him. I don't know how I would react once he told me he's ending things between us, that he still love Seoyeon. I cannot bear to hear that, even thinking about it hurts me so bad.

I know he cared about me, I felt it, with every touch, with every kiss, whenever he smiled at me. It was real, what we had was real. But I guess it's nothing compared to what he had with with her.

I don't want to be a burden to Hyunsik, I don't want him to be guilty that he has to end things with us. He gave me so much, so much than what I could have asked for. I owe it to him, to wish him happiness, even if its not with me.

If Seoyeon is what would make him happy, I will let him go. I will go and let them be happy. I don't want to come between them. Hyunsik deserves to be happy. I hope she loves him like how much I love him, and that she won't leave him again.

I took out my suitcase, I started to gather my stuff and pack. My tears wouldn't stop falling, my clothes are getting wet from all the crying I do, but I don't care anymore. I opened the closet and started putting the rest of my clothes. Then I saw it.

Hyunsik's coat.

I laughed while I am crying when I saw it, I was never able to return it back to him. I took it out from the hanger and hugged it. I can still smell him, I can still feel his presence with it. I lay down in bed, clutching my necklace hugging his coat for dear life.

I don't want to let him go. I don't want to go. I want to be with him, I want to hug him and kiss him. I want to spending every night with him, wake up with him every morning.

I keep calling his name over and over again.

Hyunsik.... Hyunsik... Hyunsik...

And now I'm fallin'
Fallin' fast again
Why do I always take a fall
When I fall in love

Why can't I be happy? I thought he said he would catch me. Hyunsik.. I thought you'd catch me?

I don't know how long I lay there in bed, hugging his coat. I got up after a while, folded his coat and put it in my luggage.

I called up my landlord, and tell her I'm checking out earlier, she got worried I would asked for a refund, I told her, I don't need it and that she can keep the deposit as well. She thanked me and told me she'll send the cleaning lady tomorrow.

I take a look at the place one more time, it used to be full of laughter and fun, now I am leaving it as a witness to the pain in my heart, to my first real heartbreak.

I hailed a taxi, I was planning to head straight to the airport, but I changed my mind. I need to go somewhere first. I told the driver the change in destination, he got mad for a moment because he already head to the freeway going to the airport, but he relent when I told him I will pay extra.

I got out of the taxi as soon as we arrived. I need to say goodbye, I just had to. I need to come here.

Achasan Mountain Park.

I dragged my suitcase and head to the spot where I pour out my heart to Hyunsik. I stare at the sky, looking at the stars.

"Please be happy Hyunsik." I whispered, hoping he would hear it.

I bid farewell to the stars, the stars who were witnessed once to the love we had. To our first kiss. The stars that shined so bright that night.

"You no longer need to shine for me, shine for him. Please continue to shine Hyunsik."

I stayed for a couple more minutes then I stood up, dragged my luggage down to the foot of the park.

I hailed another taxi, this time my destination is final. Incheon International Airport.

I laugh at myself sarcastically. I guess I'm getting used to this, it is starting to become a habit now. Showing how much of a coward I am, and for the second time in my life.

I am running away....