Book I: I'll Be Your Melody

Chapter 40

Amy POV

Just one year.

I told myself, I need at least a year. I asked Dad to just give me a year. He didn't ask what for, but he relents. He gave in to my request.

I asked myself, is one year enough? I am not sure, I am not giving a timeframe on moving on from Hyunsik, because I know I never will.

I need this year, to come to terms that he's no longer mine, or maybe he was never mine to begin with and I only have him temporarily until she return.

Maybe, it's wrong to say please love me too
'Coz I know you'll never do
Somebody else is waiting there inside for you
Maybe it's wrong to love you more each day
'Coz I know she's here to stay
But I know to whom you should belong

I need to make peace with myself, to accept the truth. He can never be mine.

So now, here I am back to Korea, after two months. Dad wanted to come and see me get settled, he wants Yaya Lita to come with me so I have someone to cook for me and take care of me. I declined as I am used to being alone now, taking care of myself, and I don't want them to see me crying every night.

I wanted to rent the same apartment I stayed before, but I decided against it, it might be too much, and besides the company is subsidizing her housing, they leased a condominium in Gangnan area.

I went straight to the apartment as soon as I arrived. It's a spacious two bedroom apartment, too big for my liking but cozy enough. I bet Dad won't agree with me. I smiled at the thought.

I went to the master bedroom and unpacked. I hang my clothes and folded some of it, then I saw it.. Hyunsik's coat. It's winter now so I can't actually use it anymore outside. I leave it in the bed, it'll keep me warm when I sleep.

I heard my phone ring, I picked up my new phone from the bedside table and answer Dad's call. As always, he's checking in if I arrived safely, asking me to eat and make sure to bundle up if I go outside.

I was smiling after our conversation and put down the phone. I glanced at the other phone beside it. It's my old phone. I bought a new one but I still kept it, I sometimes read Hyunsik's messages and look at the picture we took at Namsan together.

I thought of my friends, I bet they are mad at me. When I decided to run away, I cut communication with everyone that could remind me of Hyunsik. I deactivated everything and leave all the group chats. I even stop listening to music, specially BTOB songs, because it reminds me the Hyunsik wrote most of them for her. For Seoyeon.

"But you kept his coat and the necklace." said the small voice in my head. I smile at the irony of it.

I grabbed my keys and my coat, I'm heading out. I need to see the stars.

********

I've been back to Korea for three months now, my life is dull. I got up in the morning head to the office, work and head back at home. I don't go out, I don't attend company dinners, it helps when you're the boss and people can't make you go when you don't want.

I had an image at the office as cold and a loner. I don't talk to people unless its work. Nobody mind, I am good at what I am doing and that is all that matters.

The only person I talk to constantly is my assistant, she's Filipino as well, maybe that's why I am a bit comfortable with her.

"Amy, here's the budget for the new advertising campaign for the new product. We'll be having a meeting tomorrow with the models for contract signing. I already booked a room for it." she said as she hand me the folder containing the budget proposal. I asked her to call me by my name when we're alone.

I took the folder from her and browse the budget, I didn't bother to check who the model is, it has been decided way before I came in, so there's nothing she can do about it, so she didn't bother. She signed the document when she's satisfied at the budget and hand it back to Jennibeth, or Jabes as what she likes to be called.

"Are you sure you don't want to join me for dinner tonight?" she asked when she took back the folder.
I smiled at her and told her no. I have plans tonight.

I'm going to see the stars.

********

Hyunsik POV

It's been five months now since Amy left. I stopped searching for her when her bestfriend told me she's happy now with him. I stopped searching for her, but it doesn't mean that I stop longing for her. I do..
I still do. I guess I always will.

We are at the final stage of recording for BTOB's album, they already have the photoshoot for the album, and they already shot the music video for the title song. Its the song I made for Amy.

"What should we name this album?" Eunkwang hyung asked during our brainstorming for their latest album.

They used all four songs I did for Amy, including the special single that they decided to add in to the album. The pre release song would be the one Ilhoon composed, the rest is all about Amy.

I stared at the songs to be included in the album.

Only One for Me - title song
The Feeling - pre-release
(Pray) I'll be Your Man
I Miss You
Star
Call Me

I smiled despite the pain in my heart. This is all about her, about Amy. About us.

This is Us.

"I like it." I heard Minhyuk hyung said.

"Yeah me too." Ilhoon and Sungjae chimed in.

Apparently I blurted that outloud. This is Us.

*******

Changsub hyung looked at me behind the recording booth, worried expression on his face. I smiled at him.

They all been worried about him after he came back from Malaysia. They always gather at his house whenever they are free, checking in on him, waiting for him to break down, to cry, to be miserable. He assured them that he won't be doing any of it, well except cry when he's alone.

They couldn't believe I am not showing any signs of depression. I am hurting, I do. I can't stop thinking about her. I keep seeing her in my house, in my studio, in my bed, in my mind wherever I go. But I keep telling myself she's happy now, I should be happy for her, I maybe hurting but at least she's happy.

When I am alone at home, I would always listen to the song she sang for me. I will sit on my couch at the studio, hugging Kermit with her shirt and just listen to the song over and over again.

I'm afraid to fly
And I don't know why
I'm jealous of the people who
Are not afraid to die
It's just that I recall
Back when I was small
Someone promised that they'd catch
But then they'd let me fall

And now I'm fallin'
Fallin' fast again
Why do I always take a fall
When I fall in love

I wish it was me she was with right now, holding her, kissing her. I just wish it was me, who's there to catch her.