[MJ Fanfiction] Collide

CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO - PREPARED

February 15th, 1991

Dear Diary,

I wish I had more time to get prepared to this. Today's the day I get to be near Michael again, and I'm feeling super nervous at the idea of having him in front of me, to be able to talk to him and look at him in the eyes. The feeling of completeness I have when I am near him is just around the corner, but I can't help and be nervous, I can't help but think of them. The visions. Every chance I got to meet Michael in the past, they were there, no matter how much I wanted them gone. I wish they weren't as painful. I wish they could just happen somehow, without causing me harm, without making me look weird.

But today, I am more than willing to put them away. I know they'll be there, showing me elements of Michael's future, but I am going to deal with them without making a fool out of myself this time.

As I closed my journal, I closed my eyes as well and laid the back of my head on the wall behind me. I sighed heavily, and concentrated on my breathing. Ever since I was a child, my parents taught me this to help me with my anxiety. Sometimes, when the panic attack was too important, my mother would seat just next to me, and breathe along with me. It always helped me, somehow.

When my breathing was steady enough, I opened my eyes again and watched the sun rise slowly in the distance. I put my diary down on the window seat, and went to the bathroom, yawning. I looked at my reflection in the mirror, and brushed my hands over my tired face. The lack of sleep from the previous nights was obvious when you looked at the dark bags I had under my eyes. But I was used to lacking sleep, though. This is one of the things you need to kiss goodbye when you decide to become a doctor: long nights of sleep.

As I was awake and didn't have much to do this early in the morning, I chose to go out for a jog since I didn't run for quite a long time. The neighborhood where I lived was quite peaceful, and it was always a pleasure to run around here when the weather was soft and clear like that. Luckily, it would help me get my mind off of things as well.

As I was putting my hair in a high ponytail, I stopped by the kitchen and took a bottle of water out of the fridge to take along with me. I put my old college sweater on my shoulders, and I was ready to go.

***

When I arrived at my destination, I let out a sigh of relief. It had been almost one and a half hour that I was running, and my legs were about to give in at that point. Out of breath, I climbed the stairs to Alice's apartment lazily, and finally knocked on her door. It was now nine in the morning, and I hoped that she was up, even though she did like to sleep in during the weekends when she wasn't on shift.

The door opened, and Alice, who had visibly just woken up, gave me a look, "I knew it would be your crazy ass this early in the morning."

"Good morning to you too, sunshine," I sarcastically said. "You guessed right," I shrugged before walking past her in her apartment.