[MJ Fanfiction] Collide

EPILOGUE

A/N: ok you guys, here we go! Oh my God, I'm so emotional right now :( Thank you for the adorable comments you left on the previous chapter, they made my whole life. I'll come up with the sequel as soon as possible, but for now, enjoy the epilogue of Collide! Again, thank you for the love, comments, and votes. ❤

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I lost count on how many times I walked past the same empty shops, in the same empty streets of Los Angeles. My hands were in my pockets as my eyes were glued to the pavement beneath my feet. I was trapped in a world I didn't recognize, wondering everyday if I'd be able to interact with people again, to have a life again. But I didn't even know if I was alive or not. Was this my own personal hell? Was this a never-ending nightmare? Was I suppose to find the purpose of this complete masquerade?

To be honest, I had been there for so long that I just gave up on trying to find the answers to those questions. This had been the story of my life, having questions that I couldn't answer. I had always felt like I was being held prisoner in a cage of ignorance that I couldn't escape, no matter how much I tried.

This time, it felt even more real.

I knew that, soon, a loud noise would be heard, and that I would live the same thing, all over again. That no matter how hard I try, I wouldn't be able to stop this from happening. I felt stuck, lost, and completely drained from any emotions or feelings. That's what made me believe I was simply gone. The only thing I had left were all of those memories. The memories of the people I left behind, of the moments I spent with my loved ones, the last words I spoke to them...

Above all, I missed Michael and the feeling of safety and completeness I had when he was around. I was just an empty shell now, and I guess this is what happens when you spend so much time away from the person that keeps you alive.

At each corner on the street, I wish he would just show up and that I could take him in my arms one last time. If it was the end for me, this was my last wish before I leave for good. Taking him in my arms, telling him how much I love him and how hard I tried to make his life better for the couple of years we'd been together, and how he made me love life again when I thought there wasn't any hope for me. But if all of this happened because I managed to save him from his tortured future, if I happened to give my life to save his, then I was ready to accept it, for I knew the love of my life was safe now. This had been my goal ever since I met him, and, with time, I knew I'd be able to find comfort in that thought.

Before I could even think about where my feet were taking me, I was in front of the hospital, like my legs brought me there without the approval of my brain. I came in, and went directly to my office, where I thought I would find some serenity before I had to relive this dream – or whatever it was – again. I sat at my desk, and put my face in my hands, as tears started to pool my eyes. It had been a while since I hadn't felt this kind of utter pain. No matter how hard it had become for me to feel something at that point, a rush of emotions came within me, submerging me.

"Please, help me," I cried in agony, as tears streamed down my face like a waterfall without me being able to stop them.

I spent so many hours trying to find a way to make this all stop, and the only thing I found to try to make this all go away was to lay my thoughts down on a piece of paper, the same way I used to do with my journal.

At that precise moment, the one and only person I wanted to talk was Michael. I wanted to tell him so many things, things I never had the time to tell him, things I needed him to know but that he would probably ignore for the rest of his life. The truth. The entire truth about my gift, what it did to me, what I did to save him thanks to the visions I had about him. Everything. I should have tried to find a way to tell him the truth without putting his life at risk when I was still spending my time on Earth. There had to be a way. He deserved to know more about the person he was about to get married to, the person he was about to raise a kid with. But I now knew for sure that I could tell him on this letter, because I would never send it, and he would never read it.