So Close (a James Hetfield story)

Chapter 3

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I did the best I could to keep my mind off of James over the next month. It was made easier by the triple whammy of end of semester finals, gigs with my band, and the coming holidays. I was running around like crazy, but I was still conscious of the fact that James wasn't calling as often, and even when he did, our conversations were stilted and awkward.  

Christmas was a bust as well. The moment I came home from school, I was on a plane with my family to the Midwest to visit my grandparents for the holidays. By the time I was back in SoCal, Jamie was off with his brothers and younger sister to visit some of his mom's family for New Year's. I didn't see him until a week into January, and I was leaving the next day to head back up to Berkeley because my band had a couple gigs booked. No matter how strained things were, I couldn't leave without seeing him once. Grabbing his presents, I headed over to his place hoping to find him home.

I noticed his truck was parked in front as I knocked on the door and a car I didn't recognize was parked next to it. Hearing the murmuring of voices inside, for a heart stopping moment, it occurred to me that Jamie might have a girl over; that would certainly explain the weirdness over the last month. Maybe he'd been dating her when I was down last and he'd felt guilty about our night in his bed, and that's why he'd been so awkward. A piercing stab of pain ripped through me, and tears began to burn at the back of my eyes. I needed to leave, I couldn't be there to see him with someone else, but before I could move, the door was yanked open and James stood there looking at me in surprise.

"Leila." 

"Hey." I tried to keep my tone even, but honestly it took all my strength to keep from running. "I...I just wanted to drop off yer Christmas gifts, but it seems like yer busy, so I'll just leave them and head out."

Unceremoniously, I shoved the presents into his arms and turned and hurried back down the front steps. I was halfway across the lawn to my car before I felt him grab my arm and yank me to a stop.

"What the hell was that?" he asked almost angrily. "You show up outta the blue and then just leave with barely a hello?"

"I didn't wanna interrupt yer date." I couldn't keep the snarkiness out of my tone. 

"My what?"

"I can see you have company."

"Company? It's only Lars. We're just talkin' about the song for the compilation album we're doin'."

I felt like a first class jerk.

"I thought...I thought you had a girl in there."

"That's what you thought?" Jamie threw back his head and laughed. "Yeah, that ain't likely. I ain't got time for shit like that."

I hated how relieved I felt at his words.

"I...I'm sorry for takin' off like that. I felt..."

Heartbroken? Destroyed?

"I felt," I continued quietly, "...embarrassed."

He smiled down at me, shaking his head. "Dork."

I gave a feeble smile at his teasing. "Well, I guess I should go, let you get back to yer meeting."

He looked down at me, his lips stretching into a warm smile.

"How 'bout we get together tomorrow, go do something fun?"

I shook my head. "I can't. I'm leavin' tomorrow, drivin' back up to school."

"Wait what?" He looked stunned. "I didn't know you were leavin' so soon. We haven't had a moment together this whole time and now yer leavin'?"