So Close (a James Hetfield story)

Chapter 25

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After our trip to the Bahamas, I created a little mantra for myself; we will get through this, our love is forever. I needed something to hold on to, something to remind myself that we could make it though when things felt bleak. And things were about to get a lot more bleak.

When we came back, things were better than when we left, in that James didn't disappear in the middle of the night anymore and he seemed to be curbing his drinking, but he still felt far away. I had hoped that our conversation at the resort would remind him that I was there for him, that he could trust me with whatever was weighing on him, but he still seemed intent on keeping things bottled up. I could see the love in his eyes and in the way he touched me, but he stayed pretty quiet about anything that could lead to deeper discussions.

A week after we got home, the band's third album, Master of Puppets, was released, and the boys were crazy busy with print and radio interviews while also trying to rehearse for the tour. The album was getting amazing buzz, and music magazines were hailing it one of the best metal albums to come out in years. Corinne, Kelly, and I booked a club and threw a party to celebrate the album's success, and also as sort of a bon voyage before hitting the road with the Ozzy Osbourne tour. We invited everyone and everyone came. All of our of our Bay Area friends, Metal Joe flew in from Jersey, Hugh led a battalion of friends from SoCal, including Mel and Jim, all of the road crew, and a bunch of our local musician buddies.

The club was a bit of a hole in the wall, but it was large enough to handle a large crowd, they had a full bar, and a stage and sound system ready for whoever wanted to get up and jam. Spastik Children made an appearance, our buddy Jim's band Faith No More did a set, Kirk's old band Exodus performed, and of course James and the boys got up and treated us to some of the new album.

Watching him perform, I could tell he was relaxed and having fun and I knew how much it meant to him to have everyone together. Catching my eye while they started in on Sanitarium, I felt the invisible rope that was always linking us, pull at me, drawing me closer to the stage until I was standing directly in front of him, swaying along to the rhythm. The dark and sexy moodiness of the song reminded me of Jamie, especially now as he watched me intently as I moved to the music. When the song finished, he leaned down and I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him deeply, the whole bar clapping and hooting at our display. 

Finally, I broke the kiss and we stared at each other as we tried to catch our breaths.

"I need to get ya alone," James murmured as he stroked my flushed cheek.

"Come find me after yer set." I smiled, my eyes promising something naughty.

Rumbling low in his throat, he let me go and stood back up, smiling my favorite smile at me before turning his attention back to the crowd and scowling at the lewd comments being lobbed our way.

"Alright, shut the fuck up," he muttered into the mic before tearing into the intro to Battery.

I wandered back towards the table where Kelly, Corinne, and Mel were sitting. Jim was at the front of the stage thrashing with the other guys, and I sat down in his spot next to Mel, beaming like an idiot.

"Why the shit eating grin Lei?" Kel raised an eyebrow. "Maybe something to do with yer boyfriend almost sucking the tongue out of yer mouth in front of all of us?"

The girls laughed at that and I felt my cheeks go red as they all teased me good naturedly.

"Well, I have to admit, I'm a little jealous," Corinne said, smiling at me sweetly. "Cliff is far too private to do something like that, but James—even though he can be shy— he never hides the fact that he loves you."