So Close (a James Hetfield story)

Chapter 44

The approach to Oakland Airport took us over a low mountain range and then I could see the city of San Francisco in the distance, fog partially obscuring the Golden Gate Bridge. My breath caught at the emotional punch of being back with James in the place where we had once made a life together. It was also the place where the best and worst days of my life had taken place; to say there were a lot of conflicting thoughts swirling in my head, would have been an understatement.

"I never get tired of seein' that view when I come home from the road," James spoke near my ear as he leaned in close to see out the window.

"I can imagine," I murmured softly, tensing at his closeness.

Spending the last twenty-four hours in almost constant company was also playing havoc with my nerves. I ached to touch him.

He shifted a little then, his arm brushing against mine on the armrest between us. I sucked in a sharp breath at the feel of his skin sliding along mine and I looked to his face, but he was looking out the window, his focus on the view outside. His jaw was clenched tight though, and I knew his show of casualness was just that, a show. He was having maybe an even harder time keeping his desire under control, but he was determined to not do anything that might scare me off from spending the next four days together, even if that meant fighting against the magnetic energy that was pulling us towards each other every moment of the day.

I had agreed to Jamie's pronouncement that I should stay with him going forward, not that he really left me much room to disagree. After the Denver show, we came back to the hotel and he had helped me lug my bags to his suite. He had thoughtfully arranged for a late-night snack to be brought to the room, so we'd put on our sweats and sat on the over-sized couch in the living room, eating and talking quietly, carefully avoiding the heavier subjects. Despite the innocent nature of the evening, it was obvious that we both were distracted by the other. The lingering looks, sentences left hanging, flushed cheeks on more than one occasion; it was almost a relief when James announced that we should retire for the night and set me up in the bedroom while grabbing a blanket and pillows for the couch. I laid awake a long time after the lights went out in the other room, but I knew he wasn't sleeping either.

Now here we were hours later making our descent into the Bay Area, and I was a mass of nerves at the proximity of James and at the uncertainty of what the next few days would bring. Would being back here with reminders of the life we'd shared make it easier to figure things out, or would the specter of our painful breakup only make it that much harder to find our way back to each other?

Once we landed, we were escorted off the tarmac and taken to a parking lot where a couple of limos were waiting to take Lars, Kirk and Jason to their homes for a couple days of downtime. Instead of a limo, someone had brought one of James' trucks from his house and handed him the keys before loading our luggage into the back. Jamie helped me in before hopping into the driver's seat. 

Starting the engine, he gripped the steering wheel and let out a long breath. Turning his head to look at me, we just stared at each other. "I can't believe yer here." His voice was hoarse. "With me."

"I know. It feels familiar, but also surreal."

He gave a small smile at that. "So, do you wanna go straight to the hotel and check in or go for a drive?"

"Ugh, I've had enough of hotels. A drive sounds nice."

"Alright then, a drive it is."

He navigated out of the airport and onto the closest freeway while I searched through his tape collection in the glove-box and stuck in a copy of Motorhead's Ace of Spades. The title song blasted out of the speakers and Jamie let out a whoop of approval. We barreled up the freeway with the music blasting and the two of us singing along at the top of our lungs, and I tried not to ruin the moment by focusing on how familiar and surreal it really was.