So Close (a James Hetfield story)

Chapter 32

I lay staring at the ceiling of my hotel room, morning sunlight filtering through the drapes as Roberta snored softly in the other bed. Sometimes I got my own room and sometimes I shared, but for once I was glad for the company. If I'd been alone, I would have be too tempted to give into the emotional maelstrom that was churning inside me ever since my encounters with James the day before. I wanted to cry, I wanted to howl...but hadn't I done enough of that over the years? Seeing him only reinforced how fractured I still was.

But the thing that was most disturbing, the thing that had kept me up most of the night, was recalling those few moments where the pain and heartbreak were forgotten and it was just Jamie and Leila, the connection as strong as it had always been. That dormant part of me had come alive, and though it was amazing to feel whole again, it just made this morning's reality all the more painful.

Forcing myself out of bed, I took a long hot shower and went to wake up Roberta. She was hung over from the previous night's festivities, so it was a quiet room service breakfast and then we packed our stuff and headed over with the rest of GNR to the airstrip to catch the chartered plane to take us to that evening's show in New York. As I climbed from the van, a limo pulled up next to us and the Metallica boys piled out, most of them looking the worse for wear. Only James seemed sober as he pinned me with those blue eyes that never failed to make me weak in the knees. He looked like he wanted to come over and say something, but he must have thought better of it and instead turned and boarded their plane. I watched him go, doing a poor job, I knew, of hiding my confusion and hurt.

"Good morning sunshine." Kirk came over and gave me a hug, but not before I saw the sympathy in his eyes.

"I missed hearing you say that," I whispered against his ear as I hugged him back.

Pulling back, we smiled at each other.

"You ok?" he asked kindly.

My lips twisted into a grimace as I shrugged. "It is what it is. I'll get through it."

"Well, I'm really happy to see you. I missed you. We all missed you."

The implication was clear, which only added to my confusion. 

Before I could say anything, Lars came over grinning. "So you weren't a drunken mirage, yer really here. Damn, that was something. Of all the places."

He shook his head in amazement. Then he caught sight of the large GNR group boarding their plane and I could see the wheels turning in his head. Uh oh.

"We're stealin' Leila!" he called out cheerfully as he looped an arm around my shoulders and practically dragged me to the other plane. 

Rather than make an embarrassing scene, I let him lead me towards the Metallica jet. "Lars, what are you doing?" I hissed as he practically pushed me up the gangway.

"You'll thank me later."

"I'll kill you later is more like it," I muttered.

He gave me a gentle shove through the door of the plane and I stumbled through. 

James was sitting at the back staring out the window, when he looked up sharply at my entrance. "Leila..."

"Look who's joinin' us for the flight," Lars called out from behind me.

James looked past me and shot his band mate a death stare. "This isn't a good ide—"

"It's a fuckin' awesome idea! The old crew back together...we have a shitload to catch up on."

Clearly James didn't want me there, and suddenly I was pissed at his hot and cold attitude. Fuck him, I was going to stay for the flight and catch up with my friends, and he could just suck it. Finding a spot across the aisle and up a seat from him, I made a big show of storing my large tote and purse in the over seat storage. Stretching up, I made sure to expose as much midriff as possible before "dropping" a magazine and bending over to pick it up, my ass encased in tight denim pointed right at his face. I could hear the sound of a sharp breath being sucked in, and I felt a small victory for being able to still affect him, at least on a carnal level. Settling into my seat I caught Lars watching me from across the aisle, and he just shook his head in amusement, a pleased smirk plastered on his face.