In New York, we'd been happy. For the past week we'd been happy. Since Dovid and Shayna turned up, something had shifted. Esti's mood became tense and uncertain; she started sleeping with her shoulders hunched up, and when I kissed her or tried to touch her, her back would stiffen and she'd seem almost sad about it.
I understood, I think, why she was acting like this. Because I felt the same, even though I pretended otherwise. I was being honest when I said I didn't care what Shayna thought, fuck her. But Dovid was different, I did want him to be at least accepting of Esti and I. I never wanted to upset him, and I suppose if feelings could be controlled I would have never chosen to fall in love with his ex-wife. But the truth is, Esti and I had probably always been in love in one way or another. And that was a simple fact.
When Esti had barged past me to get to the door to greet them, I almost melted into the bedroom. I desperately wanted to hide away, to pretend I wasn't there. But I thought I'd show Esti that I meant to be there, through good times and difficult times. But she had read the gesture wrong, I suppose.
We were gradually moving into the new flat, but still sleeping at Esti's while she sorted out a new nursery for Daniel. Unpacked boxes lay strewn about and new furniture that we'd chosen together remained unbuilt. I got a call from Esti during the week. She was at school, I had been in the new flat all morning doing small, odd chores and ignoring the bigger ones.
'Shayna's had a baby girl.' She said, sounding odd and quiet.
'Okay,' I replied, not knowing what to say. I doubted I'd ever be allowed to even see my new niece. 'When is the kiddush? I'm assuming we're invited?'
'Dovid wants Daniel to meet her.' Esti said, ignoring my sarcasm.
'Well, that was expected wasn't it?'
'What if he tries to get Daniel to... I don't know. Yes, I suppose he should see her.'
I paused for a minute, in case she spoke again. 'I'm in the flat.' I said eventually. 'Why don't you come over at lunch? I'll make something.'
'I have a sandwich.' Esti responded; I felt like she was watching something from afar, she sounded distant.
'I'll make something better than a sandwich.'
'What will you make?'
'Steak?'
She scoffed. 'I'm not eating a steak for lunch.'
'Soup?'
'What flavour soup?'
'Any flavour your heart desires.' I yawned. 'But if your heart could desire carrot and coriander soup, that would be good.'
She exhaled a laugh from her nostrils. 'To tell you the truth, I'm not hungry. But I'll come back for an hour, to see you.'
It was around five past 12 when she turned up, unlocking the front door with her own set of keys. I was changing a few lightbulbs in the kitchen, standing precariously on a rickety stepladder.
'Be careful Ronit.'
'It's fine.' I said, reaching upwards and exposing my midriff. 'Anita didn't mention the lightbulbs would all burst after one pissing day, did she?'
Esti wandered over to me and put an arm around my leg, and kissed my calf through the light jeans I had on.
'The lightbulbs were the only things out of your reach during the viewing.' She said, her hand stroking down and reaching my ankle.
'I always miss something. Here, help me down would you?'
She held out a hand and I edged my foot down each step slowly until they touched the cool floor.
