Ronit
The day of the PhotoPlus event was finally upon us. Weeks of planning had led up to it, urgent last minute changes and guest lists needing rewriting and printing up all past the overdue date. Then the practical side of the set up; the location, the stands, the stage, the seats, the catering, the bottled waters, the security. It was overwhelming, we weren't prepared and we were never going to be prepared. Audrey and I had several quarrels over it in the office, but it was only because tensions were so high and we were both feeling the burn of pressure. We'd had to fire Taj halfway through because he'd been slacking in every area we placed him in, which didn't help.
Esti had been overly patient and generous and having her there at the end of each day, no matter how late I got in, made me realise just how much I needed her and how grateful I was for her. I wondered how I ever did those trips before, when I'd come back to an empty apartment and think I was happy about it. Now I came home to mess, chaos, screams and crying and odd smells for whatever reason, but I cherished it. I loved opening the door to Daniel jumping up at me, to Leah speaking the few words she knew and to Esti's smile, her embrace and her cooking. It was bliss, and it was for that reason I was able to cope with the planning, the late nights, the stress and the incompetence of everyone around me.
'You did it.' Esti said to me, the night before PhotoPlus. I took a deep breath, she was stroking my forehead as I laid on her lap in the living room. Daniel was playing video games in his bedroom and Leah was laying on my chest, squirming and laughing and pulling the ends of my hair gently.
'It was hard.' I said.
'But you did it.' She said again, stroking a loose bit of hair out of my face. 'I knew you would pull it off.'
I squeezed Leah close to me, which made her giggle. 'It's such a relief.'
'I bet.' Esti said, with another gentle caress. 'What will happen now?'
'Now?'
'After the event, tomorrow. Will you go back to normal?'
I scoffed. 'What's normal?' I glanced up, and she was looking down at me, seemingly puzzled. 'I hope so.' I followed up quickly. 'I hope they'll be more routine, more time off. I want to change my hours so I can drop him to school in the mornings.'
'He'd love that.'
'What about you?' I asked.
'What about me?'
'This has been your life for the past few months.' I said. 'What will you do now I'll be here more, not whining as much.'
'I don't know.' She said, smiling. 'I'll probably start listening to you again.'
We both laughed as her hand moved from my head to Leah's back, where she stroked along her soft, cotton onesie.
'I'm looking forward to routine.' She said, and I nodded. Routine had been her entire life, I couldn't imagine how she might be feeling in this brand new city, each day that came was unlike the last.
I tried to keep some level of order for her, I even suggested we could go to Shul on Saturdays but she laughed it off. Daniel wasn't interested in religion at all, he had no desire to learn the Torah or do anything relating to it, and Esti told me if that's what he wants, then that's how it will be. She didn't pressure him at all, but she would always answer his questions in dual process whenever he asked.
'What happens when we die?' He'd asked one evening, after telling us that his class hamster had passed away.
Esti answered almost immediately. 'A lot of people believe that you go to a better place, darling.' She had stopped what she was doing and sat down with him, treating this as a particularly sensitive moment; it was fascinating to watch. 'Your father, he believes that your soul, that lives inside you, stays alive and waits to go to a better place.'
