It had been a busy Friday, rushing from classroom to the school hall, and back to the classroom in preparation for Parent's Evening and a school play later that week. I'd only just returned from maternity leave several weeks ago, so I felt there was a lot of pressure to get everything done, even though I was only back at school three days a week. Dovid was taking Daniel for the evening, which was a relief, but I couldn't help but worry about him. His stranger anxiety had rocketed recently, and every day I'd left him at nursery, he just about screamed the building down. He'd also just started to teethe, which was an altogether new challenge in itself.
Mr Ahmad popped his head into my classroom, just as I was sticking some of the student's artwork to the wall.
'Everything well, Esti?' He asked, in his soothing way. Everything about him was so calm, he acted almost like a tonic.
'I think so.' I replied, stepping down from the chair I was on.
'If you need anything, you will let me know? I remember my wife after she had our two boys – never asked for help but could always benefit from it.'
'I will, thank you Mr Ahmad.'
He bowed his head and went to leave. 'Beth and I are going to have tea and biscuits in our class before the parents arrive... if you'd like to join us.'
Beth, the new teaching assistant. I'd been introduced to her when I'd returned from leave. She was shadowing Mr Ahmad, working towards her own qualifications. She was several years younger than me, typically pretty with blue eyes and dark blonde hair. Where I was thin, she was shapely; she dressed and carried herself much more femininely than I did. We'd spoken several times, she sought me out in the staff room and whenever I was on playground duty; she always managed to find me. I had started to find it mildly flattering, that someone younger and attractive would want to be friends with me. I needed friends, though romance was at the very bottom of my list. I still often thought of Ronit, and her parting words.
Will you tell me where you are?
As easy as I thought it would be then to tell her, I couldn't bring myself to make a call. What would I have said?
Hello Ronit, how is your wonderful life in New York? Me? Oh, I'm still the lonely, depressive ex-lover you left behind. Except now, I'm also a single mother.
I couldn't bear the thought of it.
'That sounds nice.' I replied. 'I'll be there in a minute.'
I made my way to Mr Ahmad's classroom after I'd tacked the last painting to the wall; he and Beth were sitting down at a desk drinking tea; a third, steaming cup for me was placed next to Beth.
'Hi Esti.' Beth greeted me with a wide smile.
'Hi Beth. Mr Ahmad.' I went and sat down. I mostly listened to them talk, as I nibbled a bourbon biscuit and sipped the hot, comforting drink.
It was nice, listening to adults talk. I loved Daniel with everything I had but sitting alone with a baby for the past few months had had an effect. Whilst I didn't yearn for sensuality at all, I craved company, discussion, debate. I finished my tea, and the time came when I bade Mr Ahmad and Beth goodbye and returned to my own classroom. The nerves had started, I hated Parent's Evening.
Overall the evening hadn't been awful. The majority of the parents were very kind and asked about my pregnancy and how Daniel was getting on. I had barely any bad news to tell the parents, which was also a relief. There was one incident I didn't care for; I had to raise the issue of severe misbehavior to Aaron Wilson's parents. The father, who had been apathetic up to that point, suddenly turned and became aggressive and red-faced. I tried to keep calm, but I couldn't help but tremble; there was something about hostility in men that made me feel weak. Their physical strength, the deepness of their voices; it made me feel very unsafe. Fortunately, he had been calmed by his wife, though not without attracting attention of passers-by outside the classroom.
