Nothing could have ever prepared me for Paris. Seeing a place that you've always dreamt of, experiencing it with someone you've always dreamt of... it made the air freeze around me, it made my fingers and toes tingle constantly with a nervous joy. The moment we arrived at our hotel on Sunday evening, the moment we entered our room... that was the first of many breaths I'd be robbed of on that trip.
'What did I tell you?' Ronit asked, sliding her suitcase next to the bed. She went to the tall double doors and flung them open, flooding the room with the Parisian twilight chill. We stepped onto the terrace together; if I reached out, I swore my fingers would touch the Eiffel Tower.
Ronit checked her watch and lifted Daniel up, so that he could see over the ledge.
'Very high!' He shouted.
'It's very high. You must never, ever climb up here, okay?' Ronit told him, tapping the side. He was nodding but I was still craning my neck, absorbed. I felt Ronit's hand on my waist.
'It's so beautiful.' I muttered.
'It's going to light up soon.' She said. 'Did you want to go and find dinner, or do you want to eat here?'
'Let's go out.' I turned to her, I think she saw the emotion teeming in my eyes. She leant in and kissed me. Daniel blew a raspberry in protest.
She led us to the Metro and said that she wanted to take us to Chez Marceau, a small French restaurant just a stone's throw from the Arc de Triomphe.
'It's been a long time since I've been here, but I think it's this way.' She was holding my hand and I held Daniel's, as we walked along a road that reminded me so much of London, the familiar smell of car exhaust and dry, crisp winter air accompanied us the entire way.
'When did you come here?' I enquired, stroking her hand with my thumb.
'I've been a few times, but the last was... Christ, I think it was 2010? 2011?'
I thought about what I would have been doing then. A newlywed to Dovid. I had delayed our wedding for so long, trying to put it off as much as I could, but I couldn't hold him off forever and we wed in the summer of 2010. I didn't mention it.
We were tired by the end of the meal, we'd feasted well on three types of strong cheese, honey-roast duck confit and sautéed potatoes with bacon. Ronit had also ordered several different red wines for us to sample so my brain was groggy but joyful. We went back to the Metro, and I realised something as we sat on the musky, graffiti-carved carriage.
'Ronit?'
'Mm?'
'We've been here for a few hours, and you haven't ordered a taxi yet. Are you okay? Do you have a temperature?' I gently placed the back of my hand on her forehead.
She scoffed and stroked Daniel's hair as he sat on her lap falling asleep. 'You can't drive anywhere in Paris, Esti. You'll figure that out soon.'
We walked from the station back to the Shangri-La; Ronit insisted she carry Daniel as he'd fallen asleep with his head on her shoulder, but she still held my hand. The Eiffel Tower had lit up a path for us; millions of gold sparkles led us to the grand entrance of the hotel. She dressed him in his pyjamas as he whined and snivelled slightly from tiredness; his single bedroom was as decadent as ours. I looked in just as she was pulling his covers up and tucking his teddy under his chin.
Afterwards we stood out on the terrace together, even though it was freezing.
'I love how much you love him.' I said, the words swirling into clouds of heat hitting the icy air. She didn't reply, but her cold fingers entwined with mine as we looked out over our small corner of Paris.
