'Ronit.' Dovid greeted me with a brief smile, though I could barely see it under his bushy, wiry hair. He was looking so much older, a greyer beard and fatigued eyes; it shocked me more and more every time I saw him.
'Dovid! It's so lovely to see you.' I almost hugged him, but I quickly remembered the rules and took a step back, stumbling slightly against the wall. 'Shayna, you came as well, wonderful. And Jessica, come in, come in. When was the last time we all saw each other? Must have been your birthday, Jessica!'
Shayna blew through her long nose and stepped into the flat with her head bent forward, pulling a toddling, podgy Jessica behind her. Shayna's face looked fuller and less gaunt than normal, she had more colour in her cheeks.
'Ronit.' She muttered under her throaty breath; her voice was deep and lined with an emotion I couldn't decipher.
'Come through to the kitchen all of you. I'll go and get Daniel, he'll be so excited you're here.' I heard the fake enthusiasm in my voice; I was speaking on autopilot, thoughts of New York and Esti's reaction still fluttering around my head.
Dovid and Shayna didn't say much as they situated themselves in the kitchen, they didn't lean or sit though they easily could have; they remained standing stiffly as though touching anything in our home had the potential to make them violently ill. Esti came through a few seconds after we did, she offered the same uncomfortable smile she reserved for them.
'Dovid, Shayna, hello.' She said, with a deep strain in her voice. 'Hello Jessica. That's a very pretty dress.'
Dovid's mood shifted, he greeted Esti warmly, but Shayna didn't say anything in response, if anything, her head drooped lower. For as long as I could remember, there had always been a rift of awkwardness between Esti and Shayna. Something sat unbalanced between them and I think it had only deteriorated since Shayna and Dovid's wedding. I was just about to escape to retrieve Daniel, but in a flash, he had dashed into the kitchen in a flurry; his curls bobbing on his head and getting into his eyes. He ran straight for Dovid, who hoisted him up into his arms.
'My boy.' Dovid exclaimed proudly. 'Are you having a good birthday?'
'Yeah! I got a... I got a new bike from mums,' he pointed at me and Esti. 'And games from my friends! And I got a Batman and Spiderman toy, they're broken, they need bat-trees.' He looked at Dovid then mildly out of breath, he ran his fingers through Dovid's beard. 'What did you get me?'
'Daniel.' Esti reprimanded him lightly. 'Now don't you remember what we said? Birthdays aren't all about presents.'
I heard Shayna mumble something under her breath.
'Sorry, what was that Shayna?' I asked her in the friendliest tone I could muster, taking a glug of my wine.
'Nothing.' She replied.
'Good, I didn't think so.' I replied, wincing. The wine was tart. 'Would you like a drink? Juice? Wine? Tequila?' I asked, amusing myself while Esti busied herself with Dovid and Daniel. I looked over to see if she'd heard me teasing Shayna, but she hadn't.
'No.' Shayna replied. 'Thank you.'
'Would Jessica like anything?' I asked, turning back to face them. 'Esti made kosher snacks.'
'We're fine.' Shayna said.
I almost asked her why she bothered to come, but I didn't want to upset anyone or ruin Daniel's birthday party. Shayna shook Jessica's hand away, but Jessica whined and clung to her leg, not daring to face the room.
Separation anxiety. I thought. I'd read about it in all of the parenting books that now crammed our shelves; baby books, baby development, babies. That had been our entire life the past few months; all we'd had to fill our lives with. We'd barely had time for each other. I couldn't help but sigh. I knew that while Esti and Dovid were distracted by Daniel, I would have to force conversation with Shayna. It was like holding smoke in your hands trying to talk to her, an impossible, unenjoyable task.
