I tried to focus on the rest of the event, I really did. But I worked in a trance; after I hung up and went back to my designated spot, I can't remember any of the photos I took after that. I could only think of Esti, laying in our bed, alone. I was filled with a rancid, sour fear that Beth would go there, force her way in. She knew where we lived, she was clearly unstable enough to do something like that; I couldn't shake it.
I was so relieved when the awards finished so that I could just be alone, so I could try and calm myself down. I was invited to an after party, but I declined and went back to my hotel. I calculated what I'd need to do over the next few days that would require me to stay. There was another event on Sunday, a premiere of some Swedish film that had been nominated for practically all of the awards, but after that... I was here to edit and upload. I could do that at home, I could do that in the office. I text Holly; it was late, but I was being driven by something else. Some protective urge I had that wouldn't wait.
I'm going to come back after the premier tomorrow. I'll change my flight, can edit in office.
I was surprised when I received a text back immediately.
We need you there for the interviews on Mon/Tue.
I knew she'd be a dick about those.
I have to come home tomorrow. We can buy stocks of interview photos, I'll find them.
I don't want stocks, I want our own.
I closed my eyes and tapped my phone against my forehead. If I'd text Scott this he would have given me some grief, but he wouldn't have chained me down to the fucking job. I growled, conceded, and fell onto the bed. That night, I had a nightmare about Beth.
The next few days were painful. Esti told me that when she went back to school Beth had acted like the entire thing hadn't happened.
'She was just... fine.' She said one evening when we'd been on the phone.
'Just fine? Nothing?'
'No, she... just didn't mention it at all. She came into my classroom earlier and asked for some glue and was laughing about something. She just... it was strange.'
'Did you say anything?'
'No, what would I say? I just wanted her to leave.'
We spent hours on the phone on the evenings I was away. I don't know if it made it worse or better; all I wanted to do was touch her, to smell her, to feel the familiar shape of her torso pressed against mine. I missed Daniel too, incredibly so. Oddly, I missed the feeling of being relied on. It was a complex feeling; one I hadn't experienced before. That feeling of being an important part of a unit, an integral cog.
Finally, after the longest four days of my life, after worrying for Esti morning and night, I was on the final stretch home. The flight was short, but the taxi ride was long, and the roads were congested.
But the tensions I'd harboured in my neck and back the past few days, the sickness I'd felt in my gut and the ache I'd had in the front of my skull entirely evaporated when I unlocked the front door and smelled the candles Esti always lit; the smell of home.
I saw Esti in the kitchen first, her face softened with relief when she saw me. 'You're home.' She said, her voice was light and emotional. She hurried to me, with her arms open.
Daniel yelled excitedly and ran for me. I picked him up, and he wrapped his arms around my neck in the way that made my heart weak.
'Daniel!' I spun him in my arms, stopping when Esti reached us. She kissed me tenderly; her hand held the back of my head. 'I'm home.' I said, stroking her face with my spare hand.
