Esti
'The budget is completely fuc- it's blown, Taj.'
Ronit was flustered again. We'd only been in New York for two days and both mornings she'd been awake early and immediately on the phone or her laptop. I don't think she'd been sleeping very well. Her hair was big and her pale, marble cheeks were flushed as she sat on the sofa. One hand clamped to her iPhone and the other rubbing her forehead. She was wearing a dark vest, which showed how sculpted her bicep muscles were, it made me swallow something hard in my throat when I saw them flex. Leah was leaning happily on her lap, her head resting on Ronit's knees. Daniel was watching cartoons and eating cereal, which is why I imagined she'd curbed her cursing. I gestured that I could take Leah, but Ronit shook her head and tickled Leah's hand softly, which made our her giggle.
'No, no, no.' Ronit kept repeating the word, sounding fierce. 'I explicitly remember saying that they were a bad idea. Fuck- For god's sake, someone needs to start taking minutes in our meetings, because this is exactly what I-'
'Mummy?' Daniel said, waving to get my attention and interrupting Ronit.
'Yes darling?' I said, going over to him so as not to disturb her.
'Mum swore.' He said, pointing at Ronit.
'Shh, adults are allowed to sometimes, sweetheart.' I whispered, taking his milky bowl from him.
'She swore.' He said again, singing and elongating the words. 'She swore.'
'Daniel, go and get dressed please.' I said. He tittered and ran to me, grabbing me around the waist and grinning up at me.
'Why doesn't Leah have to go to school?' He asked, completely genuinely.
'She's too small right now, but she will eventually. Are you excited? Are you going to make lots of new friends?'
He nodded and pressed his head into my stomach. I held him tightly. He was so grown up, and soon we'd be on our way to his new school. It was terrifying. I hurried him along to go and get dressed again while I tidied up in the kitchen. To distract myself, I thought about the course of the day.
Over the past two days it had been the weekend, and Ronit had been home, though she had still been constantly working. Today would be my first day without her, alone in New York with Leah. I planned a quick sketch of our day in my head. I'd need to pick up some more food, so that meant a visit to the grocery store. I needed to buy frame hooks and some tools for some of the new furniture we'd ordered. I also needed to go and buy a printer and some other computer accessories that Ronit had asked me to pick up. She had also requested that I get taxis everywhere.
'How will I learn my way around if I get taxis everywhere?' I asked, when we'd been getting ready for bed the night before. It was late, and she'd only just got off the phone. 'And what exercise will I get if I'm in the back of a taxi all the time?' I reasoned. I didn't mention that I was still self-conscious of the stubborn belly fat I'd developed after being pregnant with Leah.
'The weekends are for walking, darling.' She said, laying back on the bed only in her underwear. She pushed the duvet down with her feet and spread her knees slightly. 'Where we can do all of the exploring together, as a family.'
'I'm going to have to do things when you're not here.' I said, putting down the laundry I was folding and perching on the bed.
'Of course you will, of course.' She said, pushing her hair back and taking a deep breath. 'I just don't want you to get overwhelmed.'
I crawled over to her. I stroked her cheeks, her chin and the soft, tired skin under her eyes. I didn't say anything, but I kissed her and tried to show her that I understood. That she was trying to protect me, to soothe my transition to this big, scary, new city, and that I appreciated it. She had kissed me back with a passion I hadn't been expecting, not when she looked so tired.
