The day of the shoot started like one of our normal days, though it didn't stay normal. Esti woke up first, she was an early riser. She told me once that the early mornings had always been her favourite, since our sleepover days. She had admitted that she used to wake up even before Dovid did, before his morning prayers, so that she could stand on their balcony and look over the gardens and watch the birds and the trees.
'It's just so peaceful.' She said. 'It's time when I can be alone, but not feel lonely.'
I felt her kiss my forehead before she got out of bed, then her steps faded away and I knew she was in the kitchen when I heard the coffee grinder whizz and crunch the beans. Soon, our apartment was filled with the scent of rich, brewing coffee. I heard Leah stir over the baby monitor, she was saying 'mummy', 'mornin'' and a few other words that Esti and I said to her when she woke up. She stepped back into the bedroom and yawned. I opened my eyes and stretched my arms out.
'I'm sorry.' Esti whispered. 'I didn't mean to wake you.'
'No, no. It's nice.' I yawned with her and sat up, rubbing my eyes. 'How did you sleep?'
'Really well.' She replied, sitting at the end of the bed. 'Thank you, for last night. It really - it meant a lot, that we could talk about... him and talk to Daniel about him.'
'Esti, we don't need a special occasion to talk to Daniel about Josef. We can talk about Josef all the time.'
She was nodding though she looked unsure. 'I just never know how much of that... old life you're willing to-' she gestured with her hands as though she was struggling to find the words. 'Ronit, I don't ever want to make you think about that time of our lives if you don't want to. I'd hate to make you feel uncomfortable or upset.' She paused. 'I know it can still set you on edge.'
I looked down at the covers and spread my fingers over the soft cotton. 'Esti, it's the place that makes me feel weird. I can talk about you, and me and your father easily. Apart from the obvious neglect and all of that, the time we actually spent together were some of the happiest moments of my life.'
She smiled and climbed over the bed and fell on top of me. She brought her lips to mine and she tasted sweet, like she'd eaten some fruit in the kitchen before coming back. It was delicious and I wanted more of her mouth on me. She kissed my jaw and my neck and I felt her teeth graze me. It was getting hotter and heavier, and I lowered a hand so I could feel her. She was smooth and wet and we both groaned quietly. I was just sliding my fingers inside her when Leah burst out into a loud wail that crackled over the monitor, and Daniel's sudden, thumping footsteps could be heard running down the hall towards our bedroom. Esti had just about climbed off me just as Daniel burst into the room.
'Leahs' cryin'!' He declared, then he noticed Esti brushing down her robe and me pulling the comforter up to cover my chest. 'What're you doing?' He asked.
'I can hear that, sweetheart.' Esti stuttered as she made her way out of the room, she seemed quite flustered. 'Let's go and see if she's okay, shall we?'
'What were you and mum doing?' He repeated the question, following her out of the room.
'Nothing sweetheart.'
'You were.' He said, in a matter-of-fact tone. I laughed, then I checked the time and I got up and showered.
When I was out, dry and dressed, I went to the kitchen where Esti had poured me a steaming coffee and had laid out several croissants.
'Mumma.' Leah said when I came into the room.
'Good morning my lovely girl.' I said, going over to her high chair. She had smeared fruit puree all over her little table and I didn't really want it over me, so I kissed the top of her head.
