So, it was done. I had finally told Ronit the truth about Beth and me, and I wasn't sure exactly how I felt about it. The days that followed were uncomfortable, but at least she was still there. I suppose the whole thing could have gone better and it could have gone worse; for a few days she was distant and distracted, her eyes drifting off somewhere else. I wanted to know what she was thinking, I wanted to ask her, but the longest conversations we had were stilted, generally boring and domestic.
'What shall we have for dinner?', 'how was work?', 'how is school?'... she didn't ask about Beth. Though even if she had, I wouldn't have much to say because even she was oddly keeping her distance. I felt like the only person I was really talking at length to was Daniel.
Funnily enough, I noticed in the days afterwards Ronit focussed on Daniel much more than she ever had. He was the main attraction; she'd come in from work and pick him up and talk to him and read to him, put him to bed and wake him in the mornings. My heart devoured it when I watched them, even though I knew it was happening because Ronit couldn't face me in one way or another.
Whenever something on the topic of marriage or weddings came up on television or on the radio, I got an awful clenching in my stomach. It made me feel ashamed, and I don't know why; I felt as though I was still a naïve teenager while Ronit had grown wiser and matured long before me.
I had to wait for a week after she'd learned the truth for things to be normal again. I woke up to the almost nostalgic feel of her lips lightly brushing the top of my spine, sprinkling along my shoulder and settling against my back. I heard her sigh, so I lifted her arm and wrapped it around me, resting her hand on my chest.
'Good morning.' I said, trying to keep my eyes open.
'Good morning.' Her sleepy voice trickled over me.
'Did you sleep well?'
'Kind of. Did you?'
I brought her hands to my lips and kissed her fingers. They smelt like her indulgent, expensive moisturiser. 'So-so. What's the time?'
'It's far too early for you to be awake.' She kissed the nape of my neck. 'Sorry.'
'Don't be.' My eyes closed and I pushed myself further back into her, cocooning myself in the nook of her torso. I allowed myself to luxuriate in the joy of having her kiss me and talk to me normally again.
'I've been meaning to tell you...' I heard her legs rustling under the duvet to move up behind my knees. 'I've got a work thing coming up,' she was speaking so quietly, I could feel her breath tickling my ear. 'It's like a prelim party to Flare. But it's in London.'
'When is it?'
'Friday this week. It's at the V&A.' She paused to yawn. 'Will you be my plus one?'
I laughed. 'That sounds... it sounds a bit out of my- what about Daniel?'
'I thought Dovid could-'
'I don't... want to keep dumping Daniel on Dovid, whenever we have something to do.' I felt bad for interrupting her, but it was necessary.
'Well, I'd obviously love him to come,' she flexed her fingers, catching my breast. 'But it's a late, adult thing. And I thought we'd agreed that Daniel should-'
'I don't think I'd fit in, Ronit.' She didn't respond immediately. 'I'll stay home and look after Daniel.'
She waited. 'I think that's a mistake.'
Please stop, I thought. You've just woken me in the most blissful way. Please don't ruin this.
'Esti,' she continued, and my head sank into my pillow. 'I've been here for a few months... and you know... all we've done that's involved other people is go to that social club after the fete.'
