After PhotoPlus, our lives fell into a smooth pattern, for a short time at least. There was less of an intense workload, though I was still working long days but I knew I had to because soon we'd have another mouth to feed. It was confirmed by our doctor that Esti was pregnant again, and after the initial shock, joy and tears, it was time to plan all over again. Daniel would be 9 and Leah would be almost two years old when the baby came. We broke the news to Daniel in the evening of the day we found out.
'Another baby?' He said, his eyes rolling back into his head. Then a sudden spark of excitement hit him. 'Is it a boy?'
'We don't know yet.' Esti said, stroking his head. He was in his pyjamas already and sitting on her lap. I was sitting with Leah on the floor trying to keep her in one place, she'd recently started shuffling on her bum and was incredibly speedy, to my surprise.
'Babies smell.' Daniel said.
'So do you darling and we still love you.' I said, lifting Leah up. Daniel giggled and launched at me.
'No you stink!' He said, climbing on my back.
'Please be careful Daniel.' Esti said, standing up and retrieving Leah from the sudden bout of roughhousing. She cradled her but Leah was much more interested in me tickling Daniel and soon she started to laugh and giggle and point and looked like she desperately wanted to be a part of it.
'See,' I said, lifting Daniel up by his ankles and pulling him along the sofa. 'If you have more brothers and sisters you could play with them instead of breaking my back.'
He just laughed and jumped up at me so that I was forced to lift him up, which made the muscles in my arms throb and ache. I saw Esti smile as she watched us, like she always did. I wondered if Daniel would ever grow out of these sudden bursts of energy he had before bed, but then I stopped myself. I never wanted him or Leah or any other children we'd have to grow up. It was selfish, but I couldn't imagine the day when they'd leave home. I suddenly thought of my own father, how he treated me when I left. As though he was relieved. Bile churned inside me; I couldn't bear the thought of my children leaving and yet he practically celebrated when I left. Daniel poked my face and drew me out of my thoughts.
'Right, I think it's time for bed.' I said.
'No, it's too early and I'm not even tired yet.' Daniel replied quickly.
'I meant me.' I said, making Daniel titter again.
'I would quite like a home.' Esti said that night. We'd put Daniel to bed and he'd fallen asleep instantly, and putting Leah to bed had been an almighty struggle and worn us both out.
'We have a home.' I said, undressing while every nerve in my body screamed to rest. It had been a long day, and a long evening and I needed to lay down, I wanted to rest my hand on Esti's stomach and fall asleep. I was naked because I couldn't be bothered to put nightclothes on, I pulled my ponytail out and threw my clothes into the washing basket when Esti said what she'd meant the first time.
'I mean a... proper home.' Esti was laying back against the many cushions she'd bought for our bed, her legs were crossed. 'Not a flat.'
I nodded and rubbed my eyes. I threw myself down on the bed, close to her and soon I felt her delicate fingers stroke along my spine. Shivers tingled along my lower back and across my shoulders. I lifted my hand and rested it on her lower abdomen, knowing there was a little life in there.
'You want a big house, in the 'burbs?' I said, looking up at her. 'A big garden, with a swingset? Where the kids can run alongside an ice cream van with the other neighbourhood children?'
