I've been on tour for 2 weeks now and it has been amazing. I loved doing these shows and I've gone and got a shit load of tattoos. I got 'Hakuna Matata' written in big fancy letters on my abdomen. I also got a sugar skull design on my left arm and started working my way down with the sugar skull design. On my right arm I got barbed wire with bloode red roses wrapping around my forearm, and I'm going to wait till I go home to do the rest of that arm. Last week we all went out to a bar and got drunk, Steve-o came with us on tour and we got matching tattoos on our butt's saying 'Your name' I look at it every morning and laugh at how stupid it is, but it's still hilarious every time I look at it. On my left thigh just under my butt, 'Let' is written in big fancy lettering, and 'Live' is written on the right.
I went a little overboard on the tattoos but I'll be getting much more when I go back to California. I'm addicted to tattoos it's unbelievable. We were currently in England in Manchester, and we will be going into Scotland and doing a few shows there, then Northen Ireland, and 1 show in Cardiff in Whales, then we return to California. It's going to be so fucking fun, that I will never forget this tour. Dean hasn't spoke to me at all while I was on tour, I've been on skype to my brother most of the time and Brian and Johnny are there too, talking to me and being complete idiots. I've been in touch with Jenna too and she's got a new car coming in, but won't tell me until I get back.
There's a lot of exciting stuff happening back home, the guys are still working on their new album and I'm so fucking excited for it, they called it Nightmare. It looks rad as hell, and what makes things worse is that none of them will let me hear anything they've done. Fucking sucks. I guess I could wait, it's no big deal. I guess.
Bam and I are sitting in the big ass tour bus, drinking monster and eating sour patch kids and watching Sponge-bob.
"Bam bam, thank you ham!" I sang loudly. It annoyed him whenever I said that and it's hilarious.
"Stahp making fooon of meeeee!" he whined, mixing up the words to sound like an idiot.
"Aw baba! I'm sorry" I hugged him as he started to fake cry. We pulled away from our hug and burst out laughing. We were 5 year olds when we were around each other and nobody stopped us. We decided to go out on our skateboards and explore Manchester before our show at 4pm.
We skated in the town, going into shops and buying stuff like energy drinks and candy. Just the extra sugar to get us hyped. Not that we needed it. We were taking loads of photos of us together and I planned to print them off and make a big photo book. I already took lots of photos of Steve-o and I. And Tony and I. We got lots of photos of us at the outdoor shows we've done. Making memories. It's always fun.
"Bam!" I yelled as he skated down the street. I had no idea where he was going.
"Come in Lily! We have to go back to the bus to get ready for the show!" he yelled back. I quickly skated and caught up with him and we made it to the bus and got out gear and went to the place where there was people setting our stuff up. It looked pretty fucking rad.
"Lily, you ready to go on first?" One of the crew guys asked.
I nodded once I got my helmet and knee pads on, "Ready."
I skated onto the top of the ramp and I had my microphone in hand as I looked around at everyone.
"Manchester! how you doing?" I asked smiling at them all. They screamed in reply and I smiled wider.
"You ready for some crazy shit?" I asked and louder screams were now heard. I handed my microphone to the crew next to me and I started on my performance. I perfected everything I had learned and clapped hands with fans as I skated by them. It was utterly amazing and I wouldn't trade this for the world. It gave me good vibes and made me feel like someone actually appreciated what I did. There was so many lights from cameras in the crowd as they took photos and videos of my performance and me. There was out official photographer here, videoing it to put online and photos for his blog.
My performance soon ended and Bam did his then Tony went to do his, all the skateboarders did theirs first and the other people who came along on the tour did their performance. I watched them all and smiled at everyone's skills. They were truly amazing.
By the time everything was done and packed up, we were all on our busses and ready to go to Scotland. I was lying in my bunk, listening to music and flicking through twitter. Nothing was really interesting so I looked at tweets from a comedy page. Some of the stuff was funny and relatable so I retweeted them and laughed. I got bored and joined Bam, Tony and Steve-o at the front lounge. They were playing a drinking game that I had no idea what it was or even how to play, so I sat beside them and drank a Jack Daniels while laughing at them. I drank the full bottle of JD and a few shots of Vodka and I was pretty drunk.
My phone beeped indicating I had a message.
'Cant wait to get my fucking hands on you when you come back' It was from Dean. I was drunk and my mind wasn't processing the message like it woud have if I was sober. I brushed it off and put it back in my pocket. Bam and I danced to Micheal Jackson while the others videoed us and took pictures. It was hilarious and I started doing the moon walk. I failed and fell on my face.
"Dude! That was great, but you moved your foot too early!" Bam slurred and laughed.
"That was fucking terribe" I said and drank some beer. We talked a bunch of nonsense and watched weird and funn videos on Youtube. We ended up watching Charlie The Unicorn. It was creepy but weird. The video that made me laugh was the Marshmallow People. Oh lord, my stomach was tightening everytime I laughed. This went on for hours and my phone started ringing.
It was Jimmy. My face lit up at that and I quickly answered.
"JIMMY!" I yelled once I answered.
"Lily bear! How is tour?" He asked. I laughed and looked at everyone. They laughed at how excited I was to talk to my brother. "Tour is great. Tour is fun" I laughed.
"Are you drunk?" He asked but laughed. I nodded, but realised he couldn't see me. "Hell yeah"
"You are a little excited? What's happening?"
"Nothing, I'm just excited to talk to you. My amazing big brother" I laughed.
"Hell yes! I cant wait till you get home, we all miss you" I could picture him pouting right now.
"I know you're pouting" I giggled.
"You know me so well, but hurry up and come home!" He scolded playfully.
"Yes sir! I'm tired, imma sleep. See you in a few weeks Jimbo, love youuuuuu!"
"I LOVE YOU TOO LILY BEAR!" He yelled happily then hung up.
I said goodnights to everyone and went to my bunk and climbed in. I put an oversized t-shirt on and took my pants off. I laid down and felt like I wanted to cry for hours like I had done almost every night while I was in California and a few nights on tour. It was definitely a re-run of my teenage years. I was raped and always got beaten up. I never defended myself, I just let it happen. I believed I deserved it, and after the horrible depression I was in, my mind told me I deserved to feel pain and the physical pain I got made me feel better for a few hours. I remembered when I was getting beaten up by the two 'hotties' in the school, one of them actually broke my wrist and the pain was unbearable that I cried for hours, I couldn't even sleep that night.
My phone had been buzzing with messages from Dean. All were the same, I knew I was going to get another beating when I come home. I could almost feel the pain when he hits me. It brought tears to my eyes. I hated life and I hated myself. I didn't feel any different each day. I knew I went back into a state of depression. Bam knew this, he makes sure I take anti-depressants. They don't even work the way people say they do. I try refusing to take them because they were useless but I always end up taking them. Bam always looks out for me and makes sure I'm okay. I couldn't deny that he was my bestfriend, beside Jenna and Johnny. I loved them all but Jenna knows more than all of them. She knows the reason and the cause of it. Bam understands it and helps me. Johnny, I don't know what he knows but I know fine well that he is oblivious to Deans actions. Brian catches onto it fast but I know he has a voice inside his head saying that that's what's happening. I make sure he knows that Dean doesn't do what he does, I know he'd tell Jimmy and the guys. I don't want that.
I cried silently for another hour and fell asleep. I needed to sleep and ignore life's problems right now. I wish I could ignore them and they'd go away forever but that wouldn't happen. Not in a million years.
