How It All Started

Chapter 32- The Next Touch Down In Italy

Chapter 32

Alex's Point of View

To say the least, I wasn't expecting this day to come so soon, but it has and I'm really not ready to deal with it yet. I don't want to. I'm being punched in the face with my mothers soon to come death, that she not only knows is coming, but has probably has planned it herself. No one should ever have to do that for themselves. Knowing Shane wants to be there for me, but he can't put his life on hold just because I'm going through a family crisis. I never pictured myself caring this much about one of my parents death until now, it's almost like now I'm realizing that even though they were and still are absolutely shitty parents that they did give me a lot in life. Not nearly as much as other children got at young ages, but I appreciated what I got, even though I was abused daily. It's almost like now I realize that I actually never did deserve that no matter how many time I cut myself, my conscience repeating it's self over and over that I deserved every hit I got. 

"Alex I really can still come with you, I know you don't want to be alone," Shane whispers in my ear and tears continuously stream down my face. He's completely right. I don't want to do this alone, but I also want to prove to him that I am stronger now that he's been with me. He has taught me to get through things, without hurting myself.

"You know I would love for you to be there with me, but you've helped me through so much, and like I said you're so busy right now," our faces are merely inches away from each other. I connect our lips for a second before pulling away and whispering my love for him.

"I love you so much," he surprises me by sweeping my legs from under me and picking me and walking up the stairs. He places me on the bed while crawling over me I poke his sides making him slightly flinch causing me to giggle. "You're a sneaky one,"

"I have to keep you on your toes," I mumble as I cuddle into his chest. His arms wrapping protectively around my waist with his chin resting on the top of my head. Tilting my head up to look at him, when I make contact with his eyes makes this feeling in my stomach go crazy. "I'm going to miss you so much,"

"We'll talk every day, right?" I nod my head answering his question, his small smile gives me a feeling of reassurance. Although I have a feeling that this week isn't going to be the best time of my life.

____

Waking up this summer was probably one of the most difficult things I've had to do, just knowing what is to come within the next days is weighing me down. Shane is laying on the bed watching me put clothing into my suitcase that I'm going to be bringing with me to Italy. The flight leaves late tonight to get me there very early morning. Slowly walking back into the closet to gather more clothes, a black dress catches my attention. It's the one that my mother made me buy, or let her buy for me. Tears spring to my eyes with realization. She bought this dress so I could wear it to her funeral. She told me that night as I was dropping her off at the hotel that she had cancer.

Taking the dress off the hanger and carrying it out, Shane's eyes shift from the screen of his phone to my face. "She bought this," my voice stutters, slowly fading at the end of my words. "She bought me this because she knew she was going to die," what surprises me when I'm finished saying that sentence is that my voice comes out stronger than it did before.

"Alex," Shane uneasily gets up walking towards me, he already knows what is going to happen in a matter of seconds.

"She knew she was going to die, she told me on the way home that I could wear this is different occasions. She wants me to wear this to her fucking funeral," tears are now falling, which isn't a surprise. My boyfriend takes the dress from my hands and throws it somewhere out of my vision and wraps his strong arms around me. "My mom is dying," I sob. I don't hold anything back anymore. "Shane everything hurts," I don't realize he was carrying me until I am set down and pulled into his chest. His arms tightly pull my arms to my chest holding me tightly.