Celestial | Sirius Black Love Story

I am confusion

"Don't you think it's rather odd that they don't even teach us basic anatomy here? I mean, most people haven't even learnt about reproduction when they arrive here." I asked. It was the day after I had failed to produce a patronus and we had all gone down for breakfast together: James, Peter, Sirius, Remus, and I.

"Y-you mean like penises and vaginas?" Peter giggled and turned red.

The other boys giggled, too.

"Look at you! You can't even say penis or vagina without giggling like little twelve-year-olds. I doubt any of you know what an ovary or scrotum or clitoris is."

"I," Sirius said smugly, "Happen to know what that last little magic bean you mentioned is. And where it is." He high-fived James.

"Oh, well done. You know something everyone should know."

"What's a scrotum?" Asked Peter.

"It's your ballsack, Wormtail." James said, flicking a raisin at Remus who had remained quite quiet for the entire morning, "You alright there, Moony?"

Remus looked up, dark circles standing out against his pale skin, "Did you say something?"

I picked a strand of his hair off his robe and stroked his head once. "Is it.. your furry problem?" I asked, trying to sound as serious as possible, and not as if I was making fun of him.

"Yeah, it's tomorrow. I'm sorry, I don't mean to be a bother, I'm just a bit tired, you know?"

"You needn't apologise, Remus," I whispered.

"She's right, mate, there's nothing you can do about it. Besides, you're no bother." James said.

I smiled at Remus and let go of his shoulder, not even having realised I had been holding it, and looked around for the flagon of pumpkin juice only to realise that Sirius' eyes were on me. For a moment, I saw something shining strongly in his eyes, something I didn't understand but felt drawn to, but as soon as he realised I was looking at him, it closed off and he smirked at me. "Something on my face, Heatherstead?" He asked coolly. 

Suddenly, I felt embarrassed, and I looked away, muttering, "No.."

"Olimpia!" Someone touched my shoulder, and I jumped, not quite having composed myself yet. 

It was Oliver. "Sorry, didn't mean to startle you. Do you have a second?" He asked.

"Uh, yeah." I answered, then at a nudge from Remus, crawled out from the bench, realising that Oliver meant if I had a second to speak to him alone. Just as we left, I looked almost instinctively back at the boys. Remus was watching Oliver carefully, Peter was eating some toast, and James was whispering something to Sirius who was, again, staring plainly at me. I didn't see the same thing in his eyes that I had moments ago. In fact, I didn't see any emotion in them at all, though his eyes seemed darker than normal, and his brows were furrowed. I felt strangely guilty.

He led me out to the corridor and a little bit away from the entrance the Great Hall so we would be able to talk undisturbed by the movements to and from the Hall.

"So.. What's up?" I asked, though I was quite sure what was up.

"I just wanted to know if you were okay. Tibbles was particularly horrid yesterday and you seemed quite- quite upset."

"I was. I'm fine though, fuck the haters, am I right?" I said with a smile, though I still felt ashamed and embarrassed about yesterday.

He breathed out a surprised gasp of laughter, and only then did I notice that he seemed somewhat nervous. He was twiddling his thumbs together and couldn't seem to look at anything for more than two seconds.