Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
' I'm not depressed, I'm tired. '
* * * * -
Home
💫 Journey 💫
I got to go home, which meant I have one day if school and a few days at a hospitality house. I just wanted this to be over, I want everything to be over.
I just chilled out for a bit before me and Zoë had to head to school, but Zoë and grandma thought it wasn't a good idea for me, but I told them it was fine and that I leave today after school, so it wouldn't be that hard for them while I'm gone.
I got up from my bed checking myself in the mirror looking at my outfit... and lifting up my shirt see my bones sticking out. I took a deep breath and put my shirt back down, take my prescription pills, and going downstairs.
I see LaMelo, Zoë and I just walked into the kitchen without saying anything and got me a apple taking little nibbles out of it and walking out the door and to the car where grandma was already in the car. "So, you ready for today... this home is something that I don't want you going to Journey. " She said.
" I know grandma, but I wanna go for my sake of living. Do Zoë and LaMelo know about this ? "
" Know about what ? " Zoë and LaMelo said in unison getting in the back of car.
Me and grandma kept quiet and drove to school. On the way to school we stopped at Taco Bell, because Zoë is always wanting tacos before we head to school. " Journey, you want anything ? " Zoë asked me.
I said no because I wasn't hungry and I looked over at Grandma and reassured her that I wasn't hungry. I was fine... I just wanted today to be over with.
-
We finally made it to school, pulling up to school, Zoë and LaMelo got out of the car going to their usual group. I stayed in the car talking to grandma. " If I can't last through a whole day at school, can you just come and pick me and drive me to the house... please ? "
" Of course, just let me know. I'll be here. " She said. I got out of the car and walked to school, ignoring Zoë and LaMelo calling my name. I walked to my locker and Ashley and her friends by it laughing.
I pushed through her making her and her friends stop talking and opened my locker putting my bookbag away ignoring her calling my name. I just slammed my locker looking dead at her. " What ! What's so important for you to keep calling my name ?! "
" I just wanted to say it feels- feel about what ?! "
" Not to have no family, no friends, and looking ugly for the rest of your life, I feel sorry for you. " She said walking away from my locker.
I had enough of her... talking about my family and my life, is something I can't deal with... that's why cutting was something I resolve to. " Yeah I feel sorry for myself too Ashley, every fucking day and I have to deal with the consequences. I'm having to deal with school, dealing with a death of my parents, but I feel sorry for myself. " I said tears running down my face.
I noticed that the whole hallway got quiet staring at me as to what I had to say.
" But Ashley, you have a family, a home, a boyfriend and people you love you. I have none of things because NOBODY LOVES ME ! " I said yelling the last part.
" How I resolve to this, pills, cutting, suicide is always an option for me because where is do I have to go... and look at me, I'm anorexia. I said showing my stomach.
I was never afraid of anything in life. I was crying and yelling this whole looking at everyone around having tears coming out of their eyes seeing the pain I'm having to deal with.
" One thing I have to say to you Ashley is that, when I first seen you, you looked like the type of person that everyone would pick because you are the typical popular girl with the famous basketball player that goes to this school. I look at myself and say that I would never be like that because not I'm pretty, I'm not popular, I'm not the girl people would choose, I'm not the girl dating a basketball player. "
I stare at her with my tears and redness on my face and seeing Ashley wipe a tear from her eye looking at me. " I'm sorry. "
" I feel sorry for myself all the time but, it never goes how I want it to be. "
" I now just want everyone in this hallway that, I don't how you see me or feel about my parents because ... I still miss them with all my heart and they told me not to deal with all this bullshit because I don't care about this, now I forgive myself for the stupid and selfish things I say or do. Because I'm the person to forgive and forget, not the person to be picked on all the time. That's Ashley's job, not mine. "
I said and walked out of the school with head high and feeling proud about myself.
