T W E N T Y T H R E E

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"I promise. He says."


"I'll start from the beginning." I sigh.

"We met in high school in our English class back in Gwanju. He sat next to me everyday and we developed a friendship quickly. He'd often sit with me at lunch, sometimes buy me food and would often walk me home most days. He was really nice in the beginning."

"Skip forward a couple years and he confessed he had feelings for me. He asked if I felt the same, and I did at the time. So from there, we got into a relationship. It was really good for the first few months. He treated me really well, complimenting me every day, holding my hand in public, hugging and kissing me..."

"I lost my virginity to him. I thought I loved him. But after I had sex with him, something had changed between us, not in a good way. He stopped trying. He stopped complimenting me, he stopped walking me home from school, buying me snacks or even looking at me the same way. It's like he realised he got me, so he didn't need to keep trying."

"I tried to talk to him about it, about how I felt the energy between us had changed. He told me it was all in my head and that I was just overthinking things. And I didn't want to argue it so I just accepted what he said as if it were true. But I knew it wasn't."

Yoongi is sat beside me on the bed with his arm wrapped tightly around my waist, his other hand gently caressing mine.

"I started to notice cracks in our relationship about a year later. He became really angry at the smallest things, blaming me for a lot of his mistakes; that I distracted him. He wanted to get into professional sports, so he was training a lot. And because he kept making mistakes and failing his coach, he said that I'm smothering him and to give him space."

"At this point we got into a big fight..." I trail off, my voice cracking and my tears streaming down my face. I sniff before continuing to speak.

"And during this fight he hit me. He punched me in the back of the head as I was walking away from him. I was threatening to leave him because I couldn't put up with his mood swings and his anger anymore. When he hit me I fell to the floor and I lost consciousness. I had a concussion but he didn't take me to the hospital, it was left untreated because he knew he'd be found out."

"I woke up a few minutes later and he was cradling me crying, apologising over and over again, telling me loves me, he didn't mean it, it was an accident. I was confused, I didn't know what was going on, my vision was blurry and I felt dizzy. From there he promised he'd never hit me again, he just lost control. I believed him and I forgave him."

I take a deep breath before continuing, knowing what I'm about to admit.

"A few months later... I found out I was pregnant." I stop abruptly. I can see Yoongi's shocked reaction in my peripheral vision. I haven't looked at him once, only at the floor. He shifts himself closer to me, hugging me tighter; telling me to go on.

"I had a mixture of feelings, good and bad. I've always wanted a child, but I knew I was too young and I wasn't sure if I wanted a child with him."

"I waited a while before I told him, I was about 3 months along in the pregnancy before he found out. He got angry, saying that I should have told him sooner, that he doesn't want it and I should have an abortion as soon as possible. I was scared he'd go into a flying fit of rage again, I became so timid."

"Until one day after school had finished and everyone had gone home, I was walking out of our classroom towards the staircase. I stopped at the top when I saw Jaesun coming behind me. He was angry again, asking me if I'd got rid of it yet. I told him no, I didn't know if I wanted to go through with an abortion. I was 17, I was terrified. I didn't know what would happen."

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