onenightsavage

sothisiswhatwe'redoingnow

"You gotta stop blocking me" Jahir pulled my head up onto him. "You hear me?"

I nodded my head.

"No you don't"

I rubbed my crusted eye and eased away from him.

"Stop" He pulled me up against him again. "Touch my abs, do something"

I pulled away from him again.

"Alicia, I'm not mad at you"

I got all nervous in the pit of my stomach and climbed out of the bed to get to the bathroom.

Jahir held my hair for me, but I didn't throw up.

"Tell Ali that she does not need to be worrying all that much" Corbin sat an opened water bottle down beside me.

I got off of the floor and brushed my teeth before climbing back into the bed.

I hoped that I didn't blow up with emotion.

"I'm not going to break up with you. You don't have to be worried about that, baby. We're okay." Jahir pulled me up against him. "I'm sorry for last night. I was jealous, and I let some factors slip my mind."

-

Corbin kicked me out of his house to be with Jahir.

I made Jahir invite the boys over, and I stayed upstairs alone.

But I got hungry, so I went down to the kitchen.

Reno was there.

"Oh, hey Alicia. Are you okay?"

I shook my head yes, but started to cry anyways.

That question almost always made me cry.

I was an unstable creature.

"I-I'm just not having-having a good day, and I can't- and I can't help it"

He pulled me into a hug, and I started to sob.

I then tried to break away, but Reno was stronger than me.

I didn't want Jahir to come and look at me.

Reno grabbed some paper towels and led us outside, releasing me to sit on the patio chairs.

I sat down beside him, and he passed me a paper towel.

I probably cried for a good twenty minutes before wiping away what could be wiped and calming down. "I'm going to break up with-"

"You're a cold blooded killer" Reno cut me off. 

"Jahir is too stable for me, and I'm all over the place and it's not fair for him to have to put up with the many versions of me. I - I would be a disappointment to his family and he'd regret me in the long run"

"Now I know that you know that Jahir is an understanding ass nigga, Alicia. I'm not saying this to make you feel obligated to be with him, but that nigga is terribly depressed without you. After y'all reconnected at the restaurant, you would have thought that he was a damn nine year old on Christmas. That nigga perks up at the sight of you. He fully appreciates you, and wants to make you guys work. And you know that he makes you happy too. Y'all be all in love and shit. And it's real love too. Don't throw it away"

"Thank you"

We got up and went back inside, and I washed my face properly before joining everyone in the living room.

Jahir handed his controller to Reno before readjusting on the floor and opening his arms.

I sat down on him and slipped my fingers beneath his shirt before burying my face into the crook of his neck and smelling him.

I dragged my hands up and down his back, tracing the scratches that I had left there.

I don't know how long I did it for, but when I opened my eyes back up and pulled away from him, I felt better.

But I didn't want to loose the feeling, so I fell back into him.

Jahir leaned his face up against mine. "Alicia, I'm concerned, and I wanted to know if you would talk to me in private. You don't have to. I promise that it's no obligation. You can just stay how you are and not say anything if you don't want to"

I stayed quiet for twenty minutes, trying to figure out how to present my ideas.

The boys migrated to the kitchen.

"I want to...I want to do a ninety day rehab stay and get proper help with managing myself. I also want to try and find a prescription that'll work for me."

"Well you already know that I'll support you, Alicia"

"Umm. . .after the first five days, I can't do outside contact or visitations, Jahir"

"That's the only option?"

I nodded my head. "I'm supposed to focus on my mental health"

He stayed silent for awhile, but then trailed off. "Alicia..."

"Please? After that, I'll get into school again. I already took a leave at the club. I know that I can't do it alone. I convinced Corbin to go with me too and work out some of his own issues."

"That's three months" He mumbled, and I knew that he was thinking hard about it.

"I'll miss you everyday" I said.

He stared off into space, so I grabbed his face and kissed his lips. "Please. . .support me"

He barely kissed back.

"If it makes you feel any better, my parents are going to have to go through the same thing and they already see me less than you do. And I actually live with them" I said.

"You want me to go over your house and talk about it?"

"That would be nice, actually. Go do bonding stuff with my parents. My mom will love you. And then she'll make you my favorite foods."

He cracked a smile, and I took that as the opportunity to kiss him again.

"Stop buttering me up" He grabbed my ass.

I bit my lip and smiled, and he smiled too.

But then he frowned. "Don't make me smile, and don't look at me like that. I'm gon' have to think about that now while you're away"

-