onenightsavage

sadandlonely

My phone rang, making me groan.

It felt like three a.m.

I pressed something on the screen with my eyes closed, not wanting to open them.

"Hello?" Alicia spoke after a few minutes. "Sorry, I forgot about the time zones. Sorry to bother you."

"Why you sound so sad?" I mumbled, but made myself sit up.

"I'm okay. Sad where?"

"Stop playing"

"I'm sorry. I didn't know who to talk to."

"You know who you used to talk to? Your parents. Why you cut them off?"

She sighed heavily. "I didn't mean to disturb you"

"Alicia, you can talk to me. You know you can."

"I'm such a disappointment. I am weak. I'm not even half-woman. You are such a good person, Jahir. I don't deserve you. Rah broke it off. I can't just run back to you. I need to get away from it"

"He did what?"

"He said that he had recognized that you had real love for me and cut me loose. He couldn't compete"

"Alicia, come back to me. Stop playing."

"Jahir-"

"I'm not forgiving you because I'm a weak ass nigga. I'm forgiving you because I love you, and I want to see us through"

"I know that I love you, but I don't want to hurt you. I did it again. I let the switch flip. I dragged you through it. I put your life at stake"

"Alicia-"

She hung up on me, and I felt that she would not be calling me for a very long time.

-

I walked down the hallway.

My heart pounded, and I tried to figure out my next move.

A door opened, and she stepped out.

As soon as she saw me, she looked as if she had seen a ghost.

I walked up to her, and pushed her back into the room with my chest.

"No" I stated firmly, closing the door behind me.

"How did you find me?" She asked.

"Alicia, my answer is no. I mean that shit."

I stepped into her personal space, and she stopped chewing her gum, staring me right in my eyes.

"Therapy can't fix me, Rehab can't fix me, my pills can't fix me-"

"I'm not your enemy. You gotta stop treating me like one. I'm all for you."

"You make me feel so- I make me feel so guilty, and you're my reminder"

"So you don't love me? And you ready to give us up?"

"I need time" She insisted.

"No you don't. Neither one of us knows what the fuck will happen if you get time. You pushing another nigga whip right now"

She looked down and picked with her finger nails.

I pushed at her hands. "Don't do that, talk to me"

She switched tactics, and bit her lip.

"Don't do that, Alicia. Talk. To. Me."

"I resent myself"

-

As soon as she locked eyes with her mother, she started bawling.

I thought of all those months ago when she told me that she wanted to be dead.

They hugged and broke down together, showing no signs of letting go.

His father held the both of them, kissing Alicia's forehead.

I felt as if I were intruding.

"Thank you so much, Jahir. Thank you for bringing her back."

"You don't have to thank me. I love her too"

I dismissed myself, going into her room.

After a few hours, Alicia dragged herself in and laid across the very edge of the bed.

"Let me hold you" I spoke after a few minutes.

She didn't respond.

I turned to see her sleeping with her face in the cover.

My stomach growled, so I got up to go investigate.

The smell of fried chicken carried me.

As soon as Alicia's mom laid eyes on me, she gave me a hug. "Sit down. I will fix your plate"

The sound of slapping bare feet made me look up.

"Is he gone? Did he leave me?" Her voice faded in and out. The fact that she was loosing it was evident.

"I'm not leaving you, Alicia. I-"

She approached me quickly, and crawled into my lap as if she needed me urgently.

I could feel her tension melt away as she buried her face into my neck.

I'm glad that I could be the one to do it for her.

She sucked in air quickly, inhaling my scent.

"I'm here, baby. You can relax. I'm here for you." I assured and rubbed her back.

Her head dropped down against me, and she fell asleep again.

Her mother served me two full plates of chicken, vegetables, and grains.

After that, I retired us to her room for tonight.

She let out a whine while I carried her, pulling her leg away slowly.

Deciding that I would not be able to handle what I found, I left it alone.

But thought about it all night.

-