Fragile Hearts (TID - Will Herondale fanfic)

Chapter 23: Long Week

ELEANORA'S POV
  "Why didn't you tell me?" Caspian asks, his eyes hardened, both of our sadness combined.

  I will not cry. Not in front of Caspian. Not in front of anyone.

  I keep quiet, standing. "I'll let you have your time alone with her."

  I walk off, shrugging off my white cloak. I drape it over my arm, walking back. I walk and walk and walk.

~

  By the time I finally reach the Institute, my legs are tired from walking. I go in and promptly head to my room.

  I bang into someone and I stumble back.

  "Watch it."

  I back away quickly, moving to go into my room to hide the white cloak. I shoulder open my room door and dodge inside, attempting to shut the door.

  "Hey! Nora!"

  I wince, trying to shut the door. But Will's boot is stuck between the door and the doorframe.

  I scowl and push at the door, but Will is practically forcing it open. It's going to break. I make a quick decision. I flip back, releasing the door, and throw the cloak under my bed, landing on the ground smoothly.

  "What?" I hiss.

  "No need to be rude," Will says, rolling his eyes.

  I roll my eyes. "Says the one questioning who I'm spending my nights with."

  Will snarls. "You think I'm jealous of some Lightwood?"

  "I didn't say that."

  "What was that you were hiding?"

  "I wasn't hiding anything," I say stubbornly. "Leave, Will."

  "Why?"

  "Because I want you to."

  For a second I see hurt in his eyes, but I look away, shoving my emotions down. I bite my lower lip, thinking about Gabriel. About his lips pressed to mine. Me remembering Will.

  I shake the thought off.

  "Fine," Will hisses, turning.

  "Will, I'm sorry."

  But he doesn't listen. He heads out, slamming the door harshly.

  I sit down on the edge of my bed, putting my head in my hands, breathing in deeply.

  "Well, you never told me that it's been a month since she died."

  I look up and see Jem at the doorway. He has a small smile on his face.

  He walks in, shutting the door behind him. Then he opens his arms and I practically tumble into them, the way I did whenever I saw him on the first year we met.

  Jem holds me as my heart breaks inside. As I think of my mum, holding me after Caspian left, after I went to that first event with my dad.

  Her letting me sob into her shoulder silently, murmuring soothing words.

  "It's okay," Jem says softly. "It's okay to cry."

  It's then that I realise that I broke my rules. Tears are streaming down my face, and I pull away to rub my face dry.

  "Not for me," I whisper, laughing mirthlessly. "I always manage to lose everyone, Jem. Isn't my mum, my dad, Caspian and Gideon enough? I don't think Gideon will come back. And... and we both know I'm going to lose you too. Oh my Gosh, Jem, I'm going to lose you."

  Jem lays a light kiss on the top of my head. "You'll never lose me, Ella. I'll always be with you. With you and Will and Tessa and Charlotte and Henry and even Jessie. I'll be there."

  I can't stop the tears now. Shadowhunters aren't supposed to cry.

  "I know. I know."

~

  After dinner, Will—who was silent the whole time—heads out and I follow after.

  I take a while to catch up to him and when I do, he's at the Institute's gate.

  I grab his arm and he spins and faces me, scowling.

  I stumble for words, somehow speechless. His eyes are such a beautiful dark blue.

  Snap out of it.

  "Listen," I finally manage, breaking eye contact. "Earlier... I wasn't in the best mindset. And the night before last night... I'm sorry for leaving you alone and all. It's simply been a tough week for me."

  Will scowls. "I'm sure it has been. Have you never thought that maybe it's also been a tough week for me?"

  Then suddenly I'm angry. And it isn't my own anger.

  "ELLA."

  I spin around, and I can practically feel the blood drain for my face as I stumble away from Will.

  "ELEANORA."

  His voice is loud in my ears. Not Will's. Not Caspian's.

  Suddenly a hand grabs my arm and I try to pull away but then I see blue eyes and raven black hair. I blink and relax.

  "By the Angel," I mutter, glancing around. "Now I'm hallucinating."

  "You're hallucinating?" Will says, eyes wide.

  I shake my head. "Never mind. Can't bother you when you're already having such a terrible week." My voice comes out bitter.

  Will flinches. "I didn't meant that, Nora. I'm sorry."

  "Don't be," I laugh mirthlessly. "I don't want anyone's pity."

  "You seem like you're searching for pity."

  "I'm searching for acceptance, William. I'd think that you, of all people, would know what the difference was," I say savagely, yanking my arm away.

  Will looks at lost for words. "Nora—"

  "Don't call me that anymore," I snap. "Call me what everyone calls me. Call me Ella. If it hurts too much for you, call me Nightstorm or Eleanora. I don't care. Just don't call me that."

  Will looks like I've slapped him on the face. I hide my ring instantly, glancing at the entrance of the Institute to see the anguished face of Caspian's.

  My heart breaks. I walk away from Will, going over to Caspian who nearly stumbles into my arms. He's drunk.

  "Ella. Ella, we could go home. I know you want to. I know you don't like these men. I can feel what you do, you know."

  "Shh, Caspian," I say softly, ensuring that I don't look towards Will, who's probably listening in. "You're drunk now. Maybe you should get some sleep."

  "I saw your nightmare yesterday. We share them too, you know," Caspian continues, and I scowl.

  "Caspian, enough," I say sternly, warningly.

  "Why didn't you tell me? It was only a nightmare, right? It isn't real, right?"

  "Yes, Caspian. It wasn't real," I lie, taking him by the arm and leading him towards the Institute, walking past Will. "It was all just a nightmare. Nightmares aren't real."

  "I had a dream, yesterday," Caspian continues on. "I dreamt that mum and dad didn't leave the Nephilim. We grew up normally, in Idris. Remember the pictures of our house that mum used to show us?"

  I open the Institute's doors. "Yes yes, Caspian. Go and sleep, okay?"

  "Will you stay with me until you do?"

  I look down at his clothing. His white gear is dirty and crumpled. Creased. I suddenly stiffen. White. I can only pray that Will didn't take notice.

  "Yes, Caspian. I'll stay with you until you sleep."