I don't know where I stand anymore with Cash.
I don't know what to do, I panicked when he cheated on me with those two girls and I immediately hopped on a plane back home.
All I've done since I've gotten home is just lay in bed and cry. Cash wants me to live in his studio, says he wants me to have it. So I've been staying here. I haven't texted anybody that I'm home. Mostly because I know they'll ask why I'm home early and I know they'll ask questions about the tour and about Cash. The two things I desperately want to avoid and not speak of. It's 5am and I can't fucking sleep. My mind has officially became my worst enemy and Cash is the one who controls it all.
The bed smells like him, this suite reminds me of him, pictures of him and I in the nightstand make me so sad. I want to jump in those photos just to re-live that moment again and be happy. I'd do anything to get the Cash that I once knew and loved back. But he's gone.
He says he's here but he's not the same person he once was, I look at him and I feel like I'm searching for him but can't find him. But I love him so damn much that I don't let go, even when everyone says I should. Rook has warned me, Gerald has warned me even Audrey. I don't even know what we are after this situation. He says he loves me and how sorry he is but I have heard it all before so what's the use? Why do I stay? Why him? Why did it have to be him?
I roll over and unplug my phone and text Gerald.
Me: hey
Gerald: hey, did you get home safe?
Me: yes, i can't sleep though...
Gerald: wanna talk about it?
Me: yeah
Gerald: what's wrong?
Me: what do u think
Gerald: Cash huh?
Me: bingo
Gerald: fuck Cash. okay? because earlier tonight we were at a club and he was drinking very heavily, popping pills and he was gone for a long long time with some hoe.
Me: are y serious?
Gerald: *image*
Me: wow...
Gerald: let him go Riley. u don't deserve to go through that
Me: funny thing is i've dealt with this since i was 18 with him.. i guess i'm used to it. i guess i feel like i do deserve it
Gerald: why?
Me: i love him...
Gerald: but he's cheated and lied since u were 18, why do u stay?
Me: i don't know. i don't even know what we are right now. i left him in new york with a note that said "i'm done"
Gerald: well are you?
Me: idk. i want to say yes.
Gerald: i'm sorry
Me: don't apologize. at least u care
Gerald: yeah but still
Me: i know
Gerald: i can catch a flight to cleveland and be there for you if you want
Me: i'll be fine
Gerald: okay
Me: i'm gonna try and sleep, i've been tossing and turning all night.. i'll call or text u when i wake up
Gerald: okay. get some sleep and i'll talk to you later.
Me: thank u
Gerald: anytime 😊
I put my phone down and roll over to Cash's side of the bed and hug his pillow close to me.
At least it smells like him and it's probably the closest I'll ever get to being close. I close my eyes and drift off to sleep.
*A few hours later*
I wake up around 2 and get out of bed. I walk into the bathroom and take a shower to wake me up more and mostly to cry in there. If Cash was here he'd wrap his arms around me and hold me close telling me he loves me over and over again. I have got to stop thinking of him.
I wash my hair and body and turn the water off stepping out, wrapping a towel around me.
I go back into the bedroom and put a new pair sweats on and a tank top and with a shirt that goes over it. I toss my hair in a ponytail and grab my phone. I call Cash but he doesn't answer. Of course. I sit in the balcony and smoke a blunt, I decide to call Cash.
"Hey" he answers
"Hey" I look down at the ground
"How are you..?" he asks in a mumbles tone
"I'm alright" I lie
"Yeah me too" he says
"You in the suite?" he adds
"Yeah.." I say
"Good." he sounds relieved
"I miss you" he says sounding clear
"Shouldn't of cheated" I look up and look over the city
"I know.." he says silently
"Where you at today?" I ask
"New Jersey" he says
"That's cool" I nod
"Yeah, I guess so" he mumbles
I want to say that I miss him and how I couldn't sleep last night because of how much I miss him. How I wish he were here with me. That I love him and to come home soon. But I say nothing, fucking nothing.
"Hey I gotta go, band needs me" he clears his throat
"Right.. yeah, yeah. Uhm I'll talk to you later" I say getting my thoughts together
"Bye Riley"
"Bye"
He hangs up and I just turn my phone off.
I should be happy because I finally heard his voice again but I feel stupid and numb. Confused even. I just wish I could do something to make all this drama go away.
I'd do anything to get things back to how they were, but there is nothing I can do. He always cheats and lies to me so I don't even think I can fix this. God what do I do? My phone goes off and it's a snapchat notification from Rook.
A pic him in the studio saying "practice time"
I smile a little bit and respond with "good luck"
I put my phone down and head back inside closing the balcony door behind me.
I know that I have to do something today so I decide to write some songs for my album and strum some tunes with one of Cash's guitars. I think over time I'll have my song for my performance coming up soon. I hope.
YOU ARE READING
Only You
FanfictionHe wants the dream, She wants love. Riley (Selena Gomez) and Cash (Machine Gun Kelly) have been together for years. But they split when Cash moved to LA to chance his dream of fame. But when he comes back home after it didn't work out he tries to s...
