My Holy Trinity [OT4 5sos] ✔️

6.6

"Good morning everybody." The tall red head flashed her usual Wednesday morning smile, bright hazel eyes sparkling with kindness as she took her seat at the top of the circle of full chairs. "I'm glad to see us all here today."

Her eyes moved to a certain brunet man, slouched in his chair and draped in long black clothes to hide the body he loathed. Her expression softened, voice tender as she spoke. "Glad you could make it, Calum."

The man next to Calum pat his shoulder in a an attempt at comfort and pride, the girl on his other side patting his thigh with an encouraging smile.

It hurt. Their smiles and their soft words.
It made him realise how broken and fucked up he was. Helpless, useless, an utter waste of the space he dared to take up.

He tried so hard to get rid of himself, he really wanted to make everyone happy, but it didn't work and he can't understand why the universe still wanted him around.

"Okay, so today we're just going to start off with a little review of how our weeks have gone. Going around in the circle, one person at a time. Okay? Daniel, you can start us off." The red head, Silvia, started their first group activity for the morning.

"Well uh...so earlier this week I actually got back in touch with my wife." He said, a hint of excitement in his voice. "She actually let me spend time with the kids a-and I didn't get angry. Not once. E-Even when Tyler spilt his juice on me." He beamed with pride. "A-And Angel said she's happy that I'm coming here and i-if I make good progress she'll let me come and sleep on the couch."

"That's wonderful news!" Silvia praised. "And you didn't feel any anger at all?"

"I felt irritated but I didn't wanna hurt anyone. It never—It never crossed my mind." He grinned, happy, and the group clapped for him.

"Absolutely wonderful, we are so proud of you!"

Calum stopped listening, instead letting his gaze remain locked on the floor by his feet; fingers fiddling with the long sleeves of his black shirt as he silently let his mind stew in its own thoughts.
God he hated himself so damn much. Why couldn't he have just been normal?

"Calum...?" Silvia's gentle tone was back, snapping Calum from his thoughts. "It's your turn." She met with his lifted gaze. "Would you like to share?"

"I...I didn't make any progress..." He spoke quietly, words shaken and somber as his heart ached unbearably.

"That's okay, hun. Just tell us what happened."

"I...I called Ashton." He dropped his gaze down again, praying the tears that were stinging his eyes didn't fall. "Michael answered. He um... he said not to call them again. W-Which I understand..." he anxiously scratched at his arm through his shirt, only stopping when the girl beside him—Maddison—gently nudged his hand away; getting him to cease hurting himself.

"I just—I just wanted to say sorry. I kn-know it means nothing, what I did was so wrong. And I hate myself for it." He wrapped his arms tightly around his torso, hugging himself to try and stop his shakes. "I was just scared, I-I loved them all but I couldn't choose so I just—I-I-...."

"You tried to act like you didn't love them at all." Silvia helped to keep him talking. "It seemed easier to pretend you didn't care than face the reality... didn't it?" Calum nodded and she carefully kept going. "What did you do after that call?"

"Threw myself off the bridge." Calum mumbled, and a girl across from him started crying. He panicked, looking at the stranger with worried eyes "s-Sorry-"

"No no, it's okay." She forced a smile, and Silvia interrupted again.

"Calum, why did you feel the need to do that?"